Once Around Venus

Chili..With A Little Bit Extra

2012-01-27T01:42:00.002-06:00

I'm pretty sure everyone has a favorite chili recipe handed down from hunting fathers, doting grandmothers or spicey moms. I know I do. Chili is one of my favorite things in the world to eat, and I can make a mean batch. A couple of years ago my recipe for chili included lots of ketchup and even a little brown sugar to offset the heat and spice of the peppers. The ketchup and sugar gave it this great texture and depth of flavor that I had a lot of trouble duplicating when I began to make the recipe healthier. For a several months I simply made the chili and missed the old flavor with its sweet undertone. Since I always make a huge batch and freeze some, when I would heat up a bowl, I would add a couple of large handfuls of spinach to up the nutrient ante while I was at it. Finally one day, I decided to use my blender and add the spinach in the beginning, and then there was this head of cauliflower in the fridge heading to bad that I didn't want to go to waste. I decided to throw it in the blender and add it, too. I'll be darned if those two veggies, blended and thrown into the pot didn't add that depth I had been missing!...and gave me a great way to add some veggies at the same time.

The venison that my buddy bagged for me this hunting season didn't hurt either.

The Green Eyed Monster

2012-01-21T21:19:00.001-06:00

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality . Wake Up and Live!
--Bob Marley

Somewhere along my way, I found this creature in my soul--this woman who wanted what someone else had. There was a time when she began to smother me, to take away the joy I had in what I had. She told me that what I had was not enough. I wasn't tall enough, thin enough, smart enough, successful enough. Nothing was enough. I was not enough.

I could be happy for my friends as they accomplished things but certain accomplishments seemed only to punctuate my own inadequacies, or at least the ones that I perceived. Others' weight loss was one of those things. Friends seemed to be able to simply say they were planning on losing weight and POOF! five pounds instantly evaporated from their asses. Meanwhile, I had to fight for every half pound that I lost.

With time, though, I have come to understand that everyone has their own battles and their own victories. While I might look at someone else and think about how unfair it is that they are dropping weight like stones, they might very well be looking at me and wishing their husband looked at them the way that mine looks at me or that they could live as freely as I do. Their journey is not mine. My journey is not theirs. This epiphany came to me quite a while back.

The natural progression of enlightenment from there took a little longer. If my journey is different from another's, why would I expect the points along the way to be similar? Why would I expect the obstacles to be the same? For some reason I did, and at times I still do. Tonight for instance, I noticed that a good friend is really making progress with her weight loss despite the chips and beer and bread and...well, I can't even really tell you what she's actually giving up. My first instinct was to be jealous of her. Her weight loss pace is about 50 times faster than mine despite her being fifteen years older, perimenopausal, and not that chunky to begin with. But her path is not mine. Mine is not hers, so I'll just be thankful for mine. I can only truly be happy for mine when I am not looking at the scenery lining another's.

Now it's me smothering the monster.

2012-01-14T17:18:00.001-06:00

What a busy week this week! Four BUSY nights at work, week one of mentoring with LE, a 4 hour webinar, baby showers, dinners with friends and all the other "stuff" that is life.

Despite the busy-ness, I was able to keep up with the forums pretty well, and already this group of lean eaters is started to coalesce. They are a bright, strong group of women who are going to be quite inspiring, and I get the impression from some of the other mentors that the other group is the same way. What fun this year is going to be!

Today's thoughts have been about self-imposed limits and the following of guidelines. How many times do we not try something or not start something because we don't think we can do it? What could we accomplish if we started anyway and gave it hell? How many times do we give up because someone says we don't have the right credentials? What could we do if we proved to others credentials aren't always something we can put on a piece of paper or in an email? Certainly life sometimes isn't fair. Often it's not a fairytale, but more often than not, we defeat ourselves before the game even starts. I'm just as guilty of this as the next gal...or I have been in the past. But times...they are a-changin'.

Luna helps me pay attention to the webinar:

Plan. Execute. Adjust.

2012-01-08T16:38:00.001-06:00

I suppose I have officially weathered yet another holiday season since I head back to work tomorrow after two weeks away. I got to go home to TN for several days, our first Christmas without my dad. Christmas is typically a quagmire of guilt for me, filled with "should haves," and "if only I were mores..." but this year I gave myself permission to simply show up and be satisfied with that. And it was enough. I did my best to sit in the moments and appreciate and be thankful for them, to breathe and not pay too much attention to the elephant who was not in the room while honoring him in my own way.

I ate a few too many things that weren't planned over the last couple of weeks. In retrospect, I went into those weeks without a definite plan of action. Not the wisest move ever...but I'll count it as not having been an entire loss as long as I come away having learned a lesson. That lesson is to "Plan the dive. Dive the plan." I would never get in the water without a plan, so why does it somehow make sense to me to approach a day without a plan?

Plan. Plan. Plan. Execute. Execute. Execute. Adjust as needed.

Reflections

2011-12-11T23:29:00.000-06:00

The story of all the fluctuations in my weight could go on for the 30-some years it took to write it, but I want to take this time to reflect on the last 16 months of the journey, my time spent with Lean Eating. I had looked at the program before--each time a new one was posted. My worlds were not aligned, though. I was not fully ready for the program until the August, 2010 one started. As that sign up period hit, I had been beating my head against the same weight loss wall for years. Slowly, I had made progress, dropping a little weight here and a little there, sometimes gaining a little, but with an overall downward trend over the previous 7 years or so. Previously in my life, as I had really tried to lose weight, I could, but age and years of stress and who knows what else must have finally caught up with me because at 36 I found myself unable to drop more than a pound every few weeks, and any period of successive excess would lead to multiple pounds gained. Einstein is known to have said that the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Finally, during the summer of 2010, I was ready to stop the insanity. I was ready to turn the reigns over to someone else in hopes that they could guide me down the path more effectively. Truly, though, I had little hope that they could. Something in me believed that I was broken, that I couldn't lose weight any more, that I was destined to be chubby for the rest of my days. As I look back I can recall this feeling, but I feel disconnected from it. It seems so different from the person I am now.

I started that first program promising myself that I would follow it religiously for those six months, that I wouldn't give up for that six months. The first few weeks were exciting and as hopeful as I had been in a while. But the weeks continued to pass and the other women began to consistently lose weight. They were feeling the change and being (justifiably) happy about it. Six weeks passed. Eight weeks. And almost nothing. I still weighed more than I did the week before the program started. With each passing week of little or no change, I became more and more convinced that I was broken, that I was destined to be fat. But I had promised myself that I would stick with it. Six months, I would give it six months. Around this point in the program, I contacted Krista, my coach, for further guidance. One of the things she asked was whether or not I was weighing myself daily. Of course I had been, I had been weighing every morning since long before LE. It was my way of making sure my weight wasn't creeping up, so turning loose of that was a difficult-difficult for me. She also asked that I "check" my attitude and work aggressively on being positive and thinking about and visualizing progress. "I am getting lighter and leaner with every step. Today I am lighter and leaner than yesterday. Tomorrow I will be lighter and leaner still... " became my mantra. When I woke up every morning, instead of weighing, I would repeat my mantra. Any time I started thinking negatively, I would repeat my mantra. It was ever-present. And the weight started to slowly move. By the end of the first round, I had lost 16 pounds, but as I looked at myself and the pictures after peak week, I was disgusted and disappointed. I had made progress, the first progress of any extent that I had made in a long, long time but I wasn't where I wanted to be, and I was left with a dilemma.

By the end of that round, I felt like I was living the habits. I was doing them. I understood them. They were my way of life. But I was afraid. The idea of being away from the structure and support of the program scared the hell out of me. Although in retrospect the answer seems clear, at the time I was unsure if my best course of action would be signing up for the alumni program or starting another complete round of Lean Eating. That decision was a painful one for me (as are most life decisions). Finally, though, I decided that I still had quite a ways to go, and participating in another round really had few drawbacks, so as much as I would miss my fellow Barbelles with whom I had bonded so well, I would move ahead with another group.

My bonding with the new group was slow--mostly from my own hesitancy--but I told myself to give the great ladies a chance, and as I did I, came to love them. Again, I wanted to give the program my full effort and was happy to see as I did that the lessons were not just a repeat of the previous round's lessons. Again, my progress was slow but was slightly more steady than during the first round. Then came the opportunity to go to the LE Gathering in Niagara. I had promised myself and Marc that I wouldn't go anywhere other than TN without him in 2011. (I had made too many trips without him in the previous couple of years.) May, however, was a painful month for me. Losing Daddy suddenly and almost losing my mom after she fell a week later, I was taxed physically, mentally and emotionally and needed something out of the ordinary to look forward to. The gathering became that something.

The gathering also provided the change that I needed to propel my progress forward. Not only did I get the boost of being around my Iron Phoenix teammates, but I also got to sit with one of my coaches for a while and do a workout with her then sit with Krista, my LE coach, for a while, too. This time was critical for me, a connection I needed like a fresh breath. My biosignature profile was also critical. For the first time since starting the program, after implementing the biosig recommendations, I started making steady progress. Emotionally this steady progress was earth shattering. Staying positive became easier which then made the progress more steady which made the positivity easier. Part of the biosig recommendations was an intermittent fasting protocol. This protocol was comfortable for me, a nice change and something that helped make things "click."

Somewhere along the way this year, I have experienced a shift in my world. The way I feel about food is different. The way I feel about myself is different. The way I feel about life is different. Food is my fuel. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy it, and there are still times I feel like I'm missing out. But then I think about how sexy I feel and how nice it is to be able to shop and feel like I have endless options for how I want to dress and not have to dress to minimize my chubbiness. Thinking about that makes it much easier to turn down something I really don't need to begin with. Describing how differently I feel about myself is a bit more difficult. Sure, I am more confident, and I feel attractive for probably the first time in my life, but there is more to it than that. I am coming to truly know myself from the inside out, and by coming to know myself, I am for the first time giving myself permission for genuine self-love. For how can I love a self I do not really know or understand? With this new self-appreciation, I am finding a new sense of hope and anticipation about life. I feel more of a sense of control over my own destiny. I feel hopeful that I will find what it is that I am supposed to be doing. I feel like I have a mechanism for finding what it is that I am supposed to be doing and for finding a way to do it. And perhaps most importantly, I feel like I am not alone in the quest.

What Is "Lean Eating"?

2011-12-04T14:16:00.005-06:00

August 1, 2010, the day before I started my first round of Lean Eating and November 20, 2011, as the end of the second round approaches.

No, Precision Nutrition's Lean Eating Coaching program has no late night infomercial. You're not going to see Dr. John Berardi, PhD on the boob tube at 3 am lauding the virtues of the program and begging you to buy his DVD and supplements and workout gear. No packages of quick fix dinners or DVD wonder workouts will start appearing on your doorstep. You're not going to drop "10 pounds in the first 10 days." As a matter of fact, the beginning of the Lean Eating program (LE) is a bit anticlimactic--by design.

The LE program stems from years of research and professional growth in the fields of nutrition, medicine, psychology, sports performance and any other field the PN team thinks might advance their knowledge. Using the latest information from those fields, Dr. Berardi and his team at Precision Nutrition took their basic nutritional information and developed what has become a one year course to help people live their healthiest lives. Not only is the program scientifically sound, it is brilliant. Each person who signs up for Lean Eating Coaching is assigned to a small group of men or women with their own coach. Over the twelve months, the coach is that person's guide to all things Lean Eating and that group becomes the other pillar on which to lean by way of a team forum. Each day brings three things: a workout, an assignment to read, and a habit to complete. Every two weeks, lean eaters get a new habit to build on top of the previous one. Individually, the habits seem quite simple, but when joined together they become the key to unlocking the door to a new life. LE breaks up the task of learning how to eat well into small, easily-digested bits that allow one to slowly and fully incorporate them into everyday life--for life. By focusing more on the daily habits and less on the constant and foreboding idea of "I must do this now to lose 5 pounds by Saturday," eating healthfully becomes second nature and weight loss is a natural progression of that change. This slow introduction of small habits is one of the many research-proven methods used by the LE team.

The LE assignments are another product of their research. Some days the assignments are quick and easy, and they never take longer than 5 minutes or so to read. Some days, though, the assignments contain a task. Sometimes it is things like checking out the local farmer's market. Others it's turning the focus inward to discover something about oneself. Occasionally, the assignments seem silly or annoying, but when taken to heart and completed with a commitment to giving 100%, they always lead to growth sometimes in surprising ways. Strangely enough, most of us overeat for a reason, and it's not just because we like food. LE doesn't ignore this fact but embraces it then helps us to find that reason so that we can move past it. Examining what makes us the way we are, inside and out, is part of what the daily assignments are all about. They are also about teaching us about the individual habits as they come along. Each new habit has a set of lessons teaching one why that habit is important and how to best incorporate it. Everything in Lean Eating has its place and purpose.

While the program is called "Lean Eating," it also has a workout component. The workouts shouldn't scare people away, though, because they are well-planned and offer alternatives for all fitness levels. The workouts can be as easy or as hard as a client wants to make them by varying weights and using alternative movements that are provided in the instructional videos, and the coaches are there to provide even more individualization if needed. Prospective clients often ask if joining a gym is a necessity. While it is not absolutely necessary, it might make things easier in many ways if you don't have a bit of equipment at home. I did the last round of the program that was a six month round and did it all with 6 kettlebells, a set of bands, a pull up bar, a TRX and a sandbag, but I had been using these tools for years and knew how to make the movements that they wanted me to get out of them. After joining up for my second round (yes, I thought it was that good), I bought a set of bumper plates, a bar, a squat rack, adjustable dumbells and a bench. I also have an 0.8 mile trail on my property. I don't anticipate needing any more equipment, but I might get a little something just for fun. Occasionally, though, I head to a regular gym when I'm traveling just to shake things up. The bottom line is that the workouts help make the body function better, don't take up too much time out of one's day, and there are ways to get them done.

The habits, the assignments and the workouts comprise the three tasks LE requires of the participants daily, and participation in the forums is optional. Each day, lean eaters receive a email, that one can actually opt out of getting, reminding them to check in to the home page, their guide to their daily tasks where they can find a link to their lesson, their habit, their workout and the forum as well as a link to contact their coach and the PN crew. While it's not mandatory to check in every day, PN has found that doing so increases one's chances of success. (They track numbers like neurotic gamblers in an effort to give their clients the best chances as reaching their goals.) As participants complete a workout, assignment or habit each day, they click a circle on the home page to get credit for its completion. By doing so, clients track their compliance to the program. At the end of each week, measurements and weights are taken and entered to track progress in a similar way. By going to the progress page, lean eaters can get multiple different visuals including graphs and charts showing progress and compliance, and coaches can see where a client needs to buckle down to find better results. Only the coaches and individual clients can see individual progress pages, though. At the end of the year, if a person's progress is 90% or better, the compliance percentage that research has proven has no choice but to bring results, and he or she isn't satisfied with their results, Precision Nutrition has a money back guarantee. I can't imagine that anyone has ever taken them up on that, though, and honestly, I think most people see quite impressive results with compliance that is even lower than 90%

I believe in this program. It is the most scientifically sound approach to nutrition I have ever seen. It is the most well designed program I have ever seen. The coaches and staff are some of the most helpful, positive, uplifting people with whom I have ever been in contact, and they care. Their whole approach to life is one of kindness and happiness, and they believe in making the world a kinder and happier place. They understand that weight loss is not easy and that it is not just about food but about why we eat the way we eat. Because the program addresses weight loss in such a comprehensive way, often clients have the experience that I have had, one of a transformation from the inside out. I've been a lean eater for about sixteen months now. Not only am I leaner, I am a better person, and I am looking at life differently. I am approaching life differently. And after sixteen months, the greatest thing is that my journey is just beginning.

Oh, and in case this has made you want to look into it a little bit more, the next LE program starts in January, and here's the link for more info:
http://www.precisionnutrition.com/products/consultation-coaching

Lean Eating January, 2011--The Pics

2011-11-21T20:45:00.000-06:00

This past week was "Peak Week" for Lean Eaters as we got ready for the photo shoot assignment this weekend. Honestly, I dreaded it, but wanted to embrace it as I promised myself I would do with all the LE assignments. I have come to see that they all have their purpose and when properly completed always lead to personal growth.
I thought that the majority of growth for this assignment would come in the doing, and I did learn a lot from that. For me, though, the the largest growth came as I was looking at the pictures for the first time. Seeing myself through the lens that my husband commanded was like being introduced to myself for the first time. Then, instead of feeling like something was over, like the assignment was done and the end of Lean Eating was looming, I began to feel as if things were just beginning.
Here are a few of the results.

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__________________
Be my Facebook friend.
My blog.

2011-11-02T12:02:00.001-05:00

I've just spent a couple of weeks with my mom here in Florida with me. Having her here was a wonderful treat, but the time surely did fly! It seemed like no sooner did she get here that she had to leave. My mom is an AMAZING woman who is quite an inspiration to me. At 80 years old, less than 7 months after losing her husband, breaking a hip and almost dying (this is no exaggeration--long story) all within a 2 week period, she is hopping on planes and traversing the country. Not only is she a wonderful mom, she is one of my best friends.

Today I am hanging out in Orlando for DEMA and to spend a little time with the hubby. Though I've brought equipment with me to work out at the motor home, I decided this morning to take the opportunity to work out at a commercial gym. I am reminded why I love my little spot at home.
I know it's good to branch out occasionally for different experiences and to push our comfort zones a bit, and that is a lot of why I did it, but while I was there, I did a fair amount of thinking about why I'm not as crazy about commercial gyms.
There are the fairly apparent reasons like I have to share equipment, I have to dodge other people, I have to not swear, etc. But I realized today that because for me my workouts are very much a therapeutic thing, I feel like people are seeing a part of me that I don't want them to see. Somehow I have this weird feeling that they can see inside my head, inside my heart and soul. I feel like I am sharing that space as well. I think this is why I have issues not looking at the floor when I workout around other people. I think I need to explore this more...
Oh yeah, if I'm around people I don't know, I can't do my little goofy dances between sets like I do at home. Definitely takes some of the fun out!

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Almost A Month

2011-10-23T21:22:00.003-05:00

Almost a full month since last I posted. Time flies when you're avoiding things! While historically the internet has brought me into contact with wonderful people and has given me amazing friends, over this last six months or so, I have seen some of the negatives of giving people access to your life. It has been miscontrued and used to hurt others and just generally has not done the things that I had intended for it--to be a source of comfort to others as they see that there are people who have been where they are. I had a long, heartfelt talk with a friend about this issue and came away from it understanding that the way my words are used by others is not my fault. The writing for me is cathartic, so not writing leaves me empty. For some, my words are comforting, and not writing steals that comfort from them. So, I will resume my writing.

I have been continuing my journey during my absence here, and it has been going well. I work hard to do "a little more, a little better," and a week from today I will weigh less than 150 pounds for the first time since before I was married. Certainly I am still a bit from my ultimate goal, but I am finally actually moving in that direction consistently.

Randomness

2011-09-26T00:00:00.003-05:00

One would think that after being away so long I would come back with great insights and things to share. Instead, I have randomness.

I wonder does the rest of the world live with this same feeling of restlessness in their souls. I suspect they do not. My older brother seems to have the same condition. My other brother and sister do not.

Mom is doing GREAT! I can't emphasize this or my joy about it enough.

I miss my Dad. Lots.

I compare myself to others too frequently. This comparison is the source of much of my unhappiness. Those things that make me unhappy but are not borne of comparison are the ones to be acted upon.

I came across a concept that I liked this morning. Things do not break apart. They break open. I think this is one to keep in the memory bank.

I have come to realize that one of my greatest fears is being "ordinary."

I haven't posted pics in a while, so even though these aren't the greatest, I'm going to post them. ( I was waiting for some better ones, but what the heck.) The obvious before pic is from August 2, 2010, the day before I started my LE journey.

Underwater Speleology

2011-08-05T05:09:00.004-05:00

The weather is brutal right now. Record temps all across the US, and ours hit 108 degrees yesterday BEFORE the heat index. And folks, we live in some serious humidity, so the heat index really jacks things up! I can feel it in my workouts, too. The moist heat lies like a wool blanket over one's face at times, and when there is no breeze, it can be suffocating. I actually really like hot weather, so when I'm saying it's a bit hot, I know others are truly suffering. The dogs even lie under the fan in the gym to help stay cool. Extremes like this make me that much more thankful for my workout space. This time last year, I was working out in the back yard and would have been in almost full sun most of the time. Now, I have a wonderful shadey spot.

I had a bit of a "happy" here recently. We have a good friend who is a Hollywood stills photographer. He takes still photos during movie and tv production. Movie posters? They come from skilled hands like his. He loves to take pics in the water, so we will occasionally end up as his "models." After our shoot earlier this summer, he submitted one of the photos to a cave diving magazine to see if they'd use it on a cover. I'll be darned if they didn't put me on the cover! As an interesting aside, I looked at my vision board the other day and realized that one of the photos is from a dive magazine and is of a cave diver; it was my way of saying I wanted to dive more. The picture of me is almost a mirror image of that one.

Focus

2011-07-24T12:36:00.003-05:00

Despite the counters full of disarray, the floors that need vacuuming, and work that needs doing, I am slowly beginning to get the feeling that I am digging out from under. I suspect it's just a feeling, but that has to count for something.

My mind is beginning to come into focus, and with each day that passes I find it wandering less and less. I dreamed about Daddy last Sunday. We were riding through the fields at the farm in his green '78 Ford truck. He was driving. I was riding--the way we spent hour upon hour in that truck. Occasionally I can control myself in my dreams, and I found myself able to in this one. I reached for his hand and looked at him and said, "Daddy, I sure do miss you." He smiled at me and said,"Baby, don't do that." Some cultures believe that when you can control what you say in your dreams to a loved one who has passed on, they are visiting you in your dreams. He and I talked about that many times before he died. It's a little hoakie, but I like to think maybe, just maybe, it might be so. I have thought a lot about that dream, and the many times he and I spoke of the natural order of life. He counseled me on how to deal with his loss long before it ever came about, and those conversations replay in my mind frequently now. With them, the focus improves.

Part of my ritual of focus is to make order in my surroundings. I'm on a stretch of working 13 out of 17 days at work which means the majority of waking time at home is spent in the workout space which I have affectionately dubbed Gym Jen as inspired my Gym Jones and their philosophies. Thus, I have put the majority of my extra energies into straightening it (the DH has a way of piling crap around its edges). Having it straight helps me focus better. I can do a split squat actually thinking of the split squat instead of how much I wish all the crap were put away, LOL. I thought I'd share the fruits of my labor. There are some old shots in here, too, in case you were feeling a little deja vu.
Note one of my favorite new additions is the fan.

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Niagara

2011-07-09T23:16:00.004-05:00

Could it possibly be two weeks since the Lean Eating Gathering in Niagara?! The days have taken on a life of their own, and I am simply hanging on by a thread, a tattered flag in the wind as they fly by.
For those of you unfamiliar, the Lean Eating Gathering was a meeting for some of us ladies in Precision Nutrition's Lean Eating Coaching program. Krista Schaus, one of the coaches (who happens to be my coach), holds the gatherings every 6 months or so as a way to bring together lean eaters for a workshop of speakers and some coaching in the gym. One of the speakers Krista brought was Gino Arcaro, a football (American) coach in Canada. In his talk he mentioned the concept of a "Stretch Goal." When he speaks of stretch goals, he means for one to have a goal that seems just completely ludicrous and work toward that goal. Though he says that he has met that goal more often than not, the premise is sort of that whole "Shoot for the moon. If you miss, at least you'll land among the stars" thing. Shortly after his talk, we went to the gym for our work with Krista and some of the other PN coaches. As she was reviewing our Bulgarian split squats, for my second round, she upped my weight to 2.5 times the weight I initially had picked up to use. When she told me which weight to pick up, my initial reaction was to give her that WTF?! look. Of course, my next reaction was to go pick up the weight she asked me to...then to split squat it no problem.
So often we underestimate our capabilities--not just in the gym, but also in life in general. One of my biggest take home lessons from the weekend was to continually push myself, to not only embrace the "difficult, difficult," but also to ban from my brain the notion that "I can't." Instead, the concept I will embrace is that "I can't yet," and I will test myself to see just how far I can go. The focus will be on the YET, not on the can't.
I came across a plaque in my wanderings this week, and in light of the talk had to come home with it. Here's a pic followed by some pics from the Niagara weekend.

:(

2011-06-09T03:10:00.001-05:00

I have been avoiding this post for a week or so now. These last weeks have been heavy and sad, and coming here to update and move on has been something I have been avoiding. Though I have been away from the forums and from my log, I have not been away from my habits otherwise. I have, other than a few meals on a few days, stuck to the PN habits and done my workouts. This consistency has served me well. In an otherwise impossibly stressful time, these things have been an anchor and a comfort. As a result, I have gained only 1.5 pounds of weight, which for me is nothing short of a miracle. At one other stressful time in my life (though it was nothing like this), I gained 20 pounds in two months. My measurements are really no different and I actually think I'm a bit more defined and trim than I was a month ago. I emailed Krista to see if this was even possible and she assured me that it was. At least I'm not crazy in that regard.
Can you tell I'm avoiding the meat of the issues?

Ok, so, my dad died unexectedly May 1st. After spending the week in Tennessee for the funeral and tending to business, I was only home in Florida for less than 72 hours when my brother called to tell me Mama had fallen and broken her hip. Her hospital course was horrible and due to some significant negligence on physicians' parts, she ended up almost dying and spending five days in intensive care. Had she not had medical personnel at her side, she would have died. Despite being the youngest, I am the one my siblings turn to in times such as these, and I am the often the one left making difficult decisions, and there were lots of them. In short, it has been a horrible 6 weeks.

Thankfully, my mom is a fighter and she is getting better day by day. Her insurance has decided they're tired of paying for rehab (if anyone's elderly family has Blue Cross Blue Shield Advantage as their form of medicare, get the OFF of it NOW), so she will be coming home Friday. I will leave after work Saturday morning and spend next week doing our own set of rehab....and dealing with some other family issues that popped up today.

Behind the scenes, many of you have known these things and been popping into my life here and there to give me support and love. I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate those thoughts and prayers and sentiments. Though I only "know" all of you on the internet, it does not lessen our friendships to me, and you mean SO much.

Wow! May already?!

2011-04-29T21:37:00.004-05:00

Wow, Does time fly!
I can't believe we're practically in May already. Finally I am digging myself out of a hole of anxiety and busy-ness. One of my colleagues was fired a couple of weeks ago, and I have been picking up shifts to cover in addition to having taken a week off for a "staycation." I'll not bore you with the details of the work situation, but I will bore you with staycation pics.

The DH and I were determined to get some serious diving done while I was off, and not only did we get that done, we also did some scouting for future dives. Here are some pics of said missions. The hiking was at Camp Kalaqua near High Springs. We were trying to see what things looked like at Hornsby Springs, the spring they use for swimming on their property. It's supposed to be a fantastic cave, but access is uber-limited. We were also looking for the access to Treehouse Spring on the Santa Fe River. We think it might be in the body of water you see behind me in the picture taken in the woods. Not sure, though. The cave pics were taken at Ginnie Springs by Hollywood stills photographer Gene Page, who happens to be a friend of ours AND one cool dude.

One of my other projects for my time off was to do some climbing at Gainesville Rock Gym. I couldn't find anyone who wanted to go with me, so I went by myself and, therefore, didn't have a belay. So I had to spend my time there doing only bouldering (climbing without belay). I was initially very disappointed, but it turned out to be a good thing. The whole point behind doing some climbing was to get me out of my comfort zone a bit. Climbing without belay simply took things up a notch. I ended up climbing a nice, easy wall as far as about 10 feet high. Problem? Getting back down. I ended up climbing back down a foot or so then dropping the rest of the way. The other thing it pressed me to do was play on some walls that didn't go up very far but encouraged lateral movement. This took me out of a previously set thought process and led me to stretch my idea of my assignment some. All-in-all, it was a great experience, and I'll be going back...Oh yeah, and it smoked my forearms!

The workouts otherwise have been going well. My handstands are coming along, getting stronger and longer, and I am still enjoying that process as well. I continue to find new ways to challenge my concept of my being a "jump retard," and that is fun too. Nutrition is advancing, honing. I'm not dropping weight, but my measurements are starting to budge, and I'm definitely seeing more and more definition.

Arms

2011-04-08T13:15:00.001-05:00

They fired one of the other providers at work, so I'm about to start a 5 night stretch (of 12 hour shifts) to cover some of the shifts he left. Needless to say, I won't be posting here much over that time, so I wanted to post these pics from my dinner last night. My college roomie and I ate at Bistro Aix in Jacksonville...Tres chic! We had a great time, and our meal was wonderful. Needless to say I had a splurge meal. In the one picture of the two of us where you can see our arms, mine look HUGE, but that is ok. In real life, I am beginning to see a lot of muscle there, especially when I move around, so I know that as I drop fat, those big arms will be ok.

OUT of the Zone...

2011-04-03T12:19:00.003-05:00

I've begun to work on some things to break me out of my comfort zone a bit, to work on some things that, in my head at least, I have difficulties doing. These are climbing and jumping. The idea is to build confidence in these areas in hopes that it will provide confidence in the other areas of my life where I seem to have trouble...like dropping fat. Right now I'm having some issues with finding a way to cover the climbing part, so I thought I'd throw handstands in as a substitute. The jumping is going well so far, and Luna LOVES the practice. Abbie, however, is now convinced we're both nuts.

"New Agey Shit"

2011-03-29T14:32:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I've been a little AWOL lately. Many different things have led to this absence but mostly it has to do with work. For the last 3 weeks I've been working 2 on then 2 off which sucks and never allows for any real productivity. For those of you who have worked night shifts, you know what I mean. If you've never worked them, well, take my word for it.

While I haven't been keeping up my log/blog or showing up lots on the forums, I have been plugging away at my workouts and keeping my nutrition under control for the most part, and I had a little budge in the numbers last week to show for it. Still, the numbers aren't dropping the way they seem like they should, and I am exploring causes for that. As a matter of fact, I think that one of the biggest barriers lies in my own brain. As such, I am trying some of what my dad would call "that new-agey shit" to see how it does--rewording "self-talk", visualization and the like. To some degree I have been doing this for months, but I am adding in some things and trying to be more proactive than reactive with it now. One of the things I'm going to start doing is drawing myself athletic in my workout log. Sometimes I might just draw an arm or a leg but I will draw myself as I am going to be and see how that helps. I am also working on visualizing myself how I will be and actually feeling what that will be like. Maybe hocus pocus, but it can't hurt.
The hubby lost 3 pounds this last week and is keeping up his activity level. Woohooo! Diet is still atrocious, but less atrocious than it was.
Here are a couple of pics for you. The one is my new workout space that I am LOVING. The other is me with my new phoenix earrings in honor of my new LE group.

Baby Steps

2011-03-11T09:27:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was a FANTASTIC day!
I started it with a short run with the hubby. This doesn't sound like much but is an enormous step in the right direction for him. I really think that he's becoming more dedicated to being active and adjusting his intake a little. I'll take whatever I can get.
Then we kayaked the whole Rainbow River and and did part of it twice because we had to go 1.5 miles upstream to get the the headwaters.
*******************************************************************************
From March 8th on the Lean Eating log:
It never ceases to amaze me how quickly five days can go in some ways and how slowly in others. The trip home was a whirlwind, but I felt like I was away from the hubby and the girls for weeks instead of days. Nonetheless, there were bright moments during the pandamonium, and those are what I will share.

My mom is almost 80 years old, and when I am home, she usually takes the opportunity to take a break from the kitchen and let me do the work. I know that I have precious limited time with her, too, so on the rare occasion that she cooks something while I am there, I eat it--no guilt associated. So I was only about 70% compliant over the 5 days. Mom was feeling better than usual and wanted to cook for me. Naturally that involved lots of processed carbohydrates, and I can honestly say that while they were delicious, I looked forward to getting back to my usual routine of healthy, unprocessed foods. And this wasn't just a "I know I need to" sort of thing. This was a "ugh, I need more of the good stuff" kind of thing. Definitely a shift in how I have previously felt on both emotional and physical levels.

When I'm in TN, at least some of my workouts end up being in a gym, a definite deviation from my norm. I'm not accustomed to being in front of mirrors as I sweat--or in front of people. Every now and then, though, a change can provide some feedback that is helpful. First, I could definitely see new definition in the mirrors. Granted, I haven't worked out in front of mirrors in over two months, but still it was gratifying. And second, I actually had someone ask me if I was a trainer because they hadn't seen me there before and my form was so exemplary. Now, maybe he was just flirting, but I guess either way I could take it as a compliment.

Then, as I was traipsing through the airports on my way home to Florida, I felt....sinewy...athletic...strong. I felt like an athlete. Like that James Taylor song "Something in the Way She Moves," the way I moved just felt different. I know it didn't just change that quickly, but how I felt it did somehow. I remember feeling that way when I was in high school, like a well-oiled machine, all parts working in harmony. I was leaner (ok, I was technically anorexic) then but certainly not as muscular as I am now although I was working out regularly and participating in a couple of team sports. In college despite my regular runs and occasional other workouts, I rarely felt that sort of athleticism and really haven't since until now. Today I didn't really feel that same global connection, but it was there yesterday, and I have no doubts it will be back.

I did my weigh-in and measurements Monday when I got up ("today" for me), and my weight was up a pound from last week. I had actually weighed before I left and had been down a pound from the previous weigh-in, but between the 70% compliance and what I suspect was some slight dehydration from travel, I was up overall. Yes, I know most people go DOWN in weight from dehydration, but when it's only mild, I actually go up a fuzz, almost as if my body is rebelling from the temporary deprivation. My measurements were down a fair amount, though, so I'm okay with it.

Routine is good. Good habits are great, but the occasional break from routine and habit can be enlightening sometimes. I like when that happens in a good way.

Now a pic of me and my nephew and me and my brother:

36# then 46# OH squats

2011-02-22T19:34:00.001-06:00

So 26 went up well enough yesterday and a gauntlet was thrown. Here's 36# then 46#. Since I had such an issue getting the 46 over my head, I didn't put anymore weight in the bag but tried double 12's. That I couldn't do...yet. ;)

....I almost forgot to post the picture from our hike today. The hubby and I went to O'Leno State Park and had a GREAT time. It was our first trip there, but we'll certainly be going back. The sink holes you see in the background are covered with duckweek, one of the world's smallest water plants. If you look at that green stuff up close, it's actually gajillions (that's the official number, btw) of teeny, tiny leaves with teeny tiny root systems. They're really cool It's not slimy at all despite the appearance.

Overhead Squats

2011-02-21T21:52:00.003-06:00

I tried a little something fun today after some inspiration from my Lean Eating coach Krista Schaus. She was doing some OH squats with MUCH heavier weight, so I thought I'd try baby doses. Here's me with a 27 pound sandbag. I include the bottom video because I thought it was too cute how Luna comes across in it.
I also include a picture of my in house coaches. ;)

Manifestations

2011-02-17T01:22:00.001-06:00

I've been AWOL here lately from the boards and logs. I've barely been getting online on my phone to answer e-mails. Work as been absolutely INSANE which has led to my being so tired on my days off that I've just sacked out.

Not only has there been an increase in volume at work lately, but they have also placed some demands on us that are unreasonable which has compounded the problem. We don't have enough hands or space to do the work they are asking us to do. It is just that plain and simple. I believe this is spilling over into my "other life" as well and beginning to cause me physical symptoms (at least I'm thinking the stress at work is what is causing them). For the last few months, I have had an eye twitch that usually only bothers me when I think about or am at work. I have been having nightmares. And my migraines have begun to be more frequent. Where I used to just not really want to go to work, I find myself dreading it fiercely and even teared up at the thought the other day. It's been a LONG time since I've felt that way about going to work. While I have started some supplements that Krista recommended to try to counter the cortisol response, I have also begun to wonder what else I can do. Certainly changing my attitude toward it is helping some. I am making myself focus on the positives and carry an attitude of gratitude for what I have. It's rare for a night to go by when a patient doesn't say, "I was hoping you were going to be here to take care of us." And just yesterday I got an email from a patient thanking me for taking care of him. Though I often feel like what I do is pointless, my presence does affect people positively. I often wish, though, that I could find another job, maybe one working via the internet or in patient education. I truly enjoy teaching, and would love to spend my time educating patients. Unfortunately I also need to make a living, and there just is no way to do that in patient education. So I spend what time I can in the ER educating as much as possible. For now, I am where I am meant to be, and when the time is right, another opportunity will arise.

Which brings me to another observation I made this week...Part of the idea of our vision boards is to focus on and visualize what we want in our lives in order to manifest it on our lives. This seems very metaphysical, hoakie even. This week, however, I had an interesting realization about this. Since I was in college, I have wanted my own kayak. It was a dream that began as a camp counselor and lay on a back burner all these years. I would see a car with a kayak on the roof riding down the road and think, "Man, I'd love to have my own kayak and live somewhere where I could put it in the water all the time." Suddenly I find myself having manifested that dream this last couple of weeks. The other day I was walking my trail with the girls, doing so slowly, meditatively. Feeling the wind on my face, truly listening to the rustle of the leaves. I do this often as a way to cleanse my mind and soul. Last year I did a bunch of research on how to build one's own labyrinth and the theory behind the labyrinth. I wanted one--desperately--and had though of it often since doing the research. Standing on my trail the other day I realized it was my labyrinth. Another want manifested. As I thought back over my life, one that I have always known was charmed, I realized I had manifested all my wants and needs at some point in their own time. I can't wait to see where the years lead me.

Valentine's Day Presents

2011-02-11T23:06:00.002-06:00

Marc got me two presents in one this Valentine's. He got us our pair of Cobra Fish & Dive Kayaks to play up and down the rivers in and dive river caves from. And he did this to provide us another way to stay active and healthy as long as possible, another motivator for him to be out and going. THAT is the best present of all!

Vision Board

2011-02-05T21:12:00.001-06:00

For those of you who are not familiar with them, vision boards are a way of putting your goals and dreams on paper to help you focus on them and bring them to fruition. The idea is to put it somewhere where you can focus on it frequently which in turn gives you a sort of road map for your future. Because how can you get where you want to be if you don't know where that is?
I've spent the last several days really thinking about what I wanted for my next year or so so that I could represent it on the board. Sometimes this is harder than one might think. Often we have this vague idea that we want to live in a bigger house or have more money or more time, but as was so aptly posed in an article I read recently, "What then?" Ok, so you're retired, what now? So you're living in that house/condo on the beach/in the mountains/in Paris/on Park Avenue, what now? Ok, so you have the mate of your dreams, the perfect body, your PhD. WHAT NOW? Interesting question, isn't it?
You see, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I am the most charmed person in the world. From the day I was conceived, I have led a charmed life, and I know this and never take it for granted. My vision board reminds me of this fact. And it'll just get better from here.
So to explain my board a little if you're interested:
The base in the top left corner is a rudimentary drawing of our little place here in the center of a clock without hands which symbolizes my desire to spend more time at home relaxing. Close by are pictures of the DH and my girls. In one, the DH and I are hanging out at a local state park--outside, together, being active. I want more of this. In the other, I am walking behind him and the girls as we explore our place. Again, time with the four of us together relaxing is something I want more of. There's a sailboat anchored in a cove--how we hope to retire. There's the book I hope to write and my camera, both things I want to explore more over the coming months. There's a pic of Coach doing a pull up and Pudgy Stockton doing a handstand, both goals of mine. There's a picture of a cave diver; I want to hone my skills. There's a quote from Epicurius reminding me to be kind to myself and some from others to inspire me. There are a rainbow and fireworks reminding me to stop and enjoy what's in front of me and to make the time to enjoy the simple things that I love so much. They are all really quite simple things that I want. How very lovely that is!

Proctocephalgia

2011-02-03T22:32:00.001-06:00

I have been in a funk for days now. I think part of it is PMS, but part of it is just a general dissatisfaction with a portion of my life. I really can't even pin it down to anything too much more specific than that right at the moment, but I'm working on it. I know that the external corporate pressures at work and the negativity of the people around me at work is smothering me. There are pressures and negativity in any job, however, and I know that. I know that I need more time at home relaxing. And beyond that I'm really having issues figuring it out. Part of me wonders if maybe I just need some pharmacotherapy. I don't know. But I am restless and unfulfilled. That I know.

Since I couldn't nail down the source of my restlessness, I decided to take one last look at the dreaded proofs I got from my "after" shoot for LE and face them head on. They were a slap in the face as I realized how far from goal I still am, but I decided to find some positive things about them. Back several years ago a beautician who I went to made an offhand comment about my "mousey brown hair." For years thereafter I had my hair dyed a really pretty shade of red with highlights. I loved it and so did most of the people I know. A couple of years ago, though, I decided I was tired of the 4 hours at the salon every 4-6 weeks, and I wanted to go gray naturally. Not to mention beginning to wonder about putting all those chemicals on my scalp. Ok, so back to the point...I really like my natural hair color. It's a good shade of brown. And I have good eyes. And really, the pictures are skillfully done. As was my makeup. Actually, the makeup was totally kick-ass. The photos are just reality, and reality is that I am not at my goal which I knew going into it. I just didn't realize exactly HOW "not at my goal" I was. I pretty sure, too, that my general funk of late cast a negative light on those pictures even before I looked at them.

Kirsten made the comment (or was it quoted someone?) that we can't get where we're going if we don't know where that is, and I've been thinking a lot about that here lately, too, particularly today. I'm going to brainstorm some about that tonight and make a vision board over the next day or two. Jaana and I actually decided we would each post them before Monday, so there ya go. I'm beginning to get a feel for what I want to put on there, but it's funny knowing how I feel and NOT clearly seeing where I want to be. Or maybe I can see it, but I'm a little bit afraid of it and don't know how to make it work? I'm not so sure.

Regardless, in the midst of walking around with my head clear up my ass earlier today, I decided to give myself an attitude adjustment and beat the hell out of my heavy bag and swing and snatch the 16kg and the 20kg. While it was not a cure-all, it helped--a lot. Long live endorphins.

Why?

2011-02-01T23:09:00.001-06:00

Today's LE lesson was to begin with the question "Why did you join Lean Eating?" and then apply the question Why? to whatever the answer was, repeating that exercise for a total of 5 questions. After doing it, I thought it was a very interesting exercise of thought, so I decided to post my answer here.

I did this wrong initially just asking myself why I joined LE over 5 times, but I'll share the initial completion and then the redo.
Why did I join Lean Eating?
1. I want to feel good about myself.
2. I want to be as mobile as I can be for as long as I can be, and I think that the more muscle and the less fat that I carry, the more likely I'll be able to do just that.
3. I want to look good. Wow, that sounds really shallow. :(
4. I like the idea of structure and support to help me reach my body composition goals.
5. What I was doing wasn't working.

Now, the more correct way:
Why did I join Lean Eating?
1. I want to feel good about myself.
2. Why?
Because I really don't feel good about myself.
3. Why?
Damn, that got crappy fast.
...my fingers hover over the keys...
I feel like I am lazy. I feel like I am not a good person. I feel like I am constantly letting the people who matter most to me down. I feel like I can't keep up, like I am constantly struggling to keep my head above water. Like life is somehow just not....fulfilled (? I had a hard time choosing a word here).
4. Why?
Really, again? ugh.
While I had a constant stream of things in my head to list about why I don't feel good about myself, I really have no reason why those things are there. The only whys are whys that I have created in my mind. They were never put there by anyone else. No one has ever told me negative things about me...Ok, my older brother, like every older brother on the planet, tortured me when I was a little girl by calling me fat, but that's just being a brother. On the contrary, I get lots of positive feedback on who I am as a person, both at home and professionally. Hmmm.
5. Why?
Why did I create these negative thoughts of myself?
They have been there so long that I think figuring that out might just be impossible.

Living

2011-01-26T01:48:00.000-06:00

I work in an ER which can be a pain in my ass. People are idiots which keeps me in a job and drives me crazy all at the same time. The job does, however, give me some great and wonderful gifts. One of these is a keen awareness of just how precious life is in its many facets.

I have done a lot of things, have led a charmed life really. I have skydived, and kayaked rivers. I am a cave diver, have been diving all over the Carribean and the US. Swum with dolphins in the wild, been diving with sharks on multiple occasions. I live in one of the cave diving capitals of the world. I have held the lives of others in my hands and watched them take their last breaths despite anything I could do for them--and watched them take their first breaths as they came into the world. I have given people the joy of finding out they were pregnant and given them the worst news of their lives as I told them their mate or parent or child died or that they were filled with cancer. While my life has not been as dramatic or full of impact as some, it has been full, and I am thankful for it. And I don't mention these things to brag. Rather I say them to illustrate that my life has not been without drama and adventure, I have done and continue to do, many of the things that people tend to list in the things that they want to do "when."

I am also an avid people-watcher. I watch people--study them. I really, truly look at them as I'm going about my day wherever I am. People actually probably think I'm crazy, but I do. And seeing people in their last days and hours can be enlightening. No matter how young or old, I've never heard someone in their last days and moments talk about climbing mountains or jumping out of planes or doing any other grand and wonderous, adrenaline-pumping thing. They talk about the people they love and Sunday dinner and how goofy so-and-so was. They hold hands and take each moment and hold onto it as tightly as they can. They roll outside (if they can) to watch the sunset, or they watch it from a window. They go out and bring in favorite foods. They rent favorite movies. They tell family stories and thank each other for things that happened years ago. And they hug, and they love, and they hold hands some more. Those families that don't get those last moments--the ones to whom I am giving that dreaded, horrible news of sudden loss? They never say, "but he never got to paddle class 6 rapids!" They worry about praise never given and love never expressed. They fret over arguments left unresolved and hard feelings never worked through. And they miss the little things--like the dirty clothes that person once left strewn through the house or their dirty glass that never got put in the dishwasher. I have learned a lot from both sets of experience.

While I still have a long "bucket list," my job has given me the gift of understanding that living truly comes in the small quiet moments of every day. Living is eating dinner every day with my love. Living is taking the time to go for walks and play ball with my girls. Living is talking to my mom every day on the phone and letting her and my dad know that I love them and hearing from them that they love me. Living is letting the house stay a mess while I go fly-fishing with my 80-year-old fishing buddy. Living is driving with the sunroof open and the windows down. And living is SO many other things in my day-to-day life that I try to remember not to take for granted.

So live the big moments and the little ones and start doing it right this second. Living has almost nothing to do with your pant size.

I'm Nothing If Not Stubborn

2011-01-23T01:28:00.002-06:00

It's been 2 or 3 years in the coming, but it arrived today. I've been hitting the negative for 2 or 3 weeks now. Today I sort of forgot I couldn't get back up and what do you know? I could! Hooyah!

Take It From the Start

2011-01-18T23:02:00.001-06:00

I have a decision making disorder. Those who know me well, know this well. Many of them have endured my belaboring thought processes over and over as I try to make up my mind about what to do. Their patience with my insanity is one of the many reasons I love my friends and try my best never to take them for granted. The decision that has tortured me for the last couple of weeks has been whether to continue my Lean Eating journey in the alumni program or to start again from the very beginning with a new group. My last group was such an amazing set of women that the thought of leaving their company broke my heart. After seeing my "after" pictures, however, I realized that I still have quite a way to go, and I can always keep up with my girls in their logs. The alumni program will still be there when this round is over.

In the the last six months in the August round of Lean Eating, I lost a total of 17.5 pounds and about 18 inches overall. I went from a tight size 10 to a 10 that is loose in the waist and full in the thigh. Considering the fact that all my prior efforts had gotten me nowhere, I am quite pleased with these results. I feel like I have internalized the habits well over these last six months, and they have become automatic, just a part of what I do. If anything, I have to remind myself to eat. For the first time in my life I actually forget to eat if I don't pay attention to the clock. The natural question that comes next is, "So why did you decide to do the program over?" My answer lies in the amount of progress I have yet to go. I want to look in a mirror or at a picture and immediately see muscle definition, not have to look hopefully for it. I think this will lie somewhere around the 140 pound mark. Right now I weigh 157.5 pounds. With this, I think my other goals will come. Somewhere along the way, the pistol and pull up will come. Seventeen pounds makes quite a difference in a lift--even when it's body weight.
So there you have it. My three major goals
1. Readily visible muscle. Definition. Definition. Definition.
2. Pistol.
3. Pull up.

Via?..........................COMPLIANCE with the LE Coaching Program...100% with personalization along the way. I'm making steady progress now. If that slows, I'll adjust accordingly with Krista's help.

From August 1, 2010 at the start of the August, 2010 Lean Eating Coaching Program
From yesterday, after the August, 2010 Lean Eating Coaching Program

What Has Precision Nutrition's Lean Eating Coaching Program Done for Me?

2011-01-08T23:30:00.003-06:00

We are winding down our 6 months in the Lean Eating Coaching program, and one of our assignments recently was to answer the following questions. I thought it an appropriate post here.

Question 1: What are most proud of having accomplished during the first 6 months of this course?

Most proud of? I suppose that would have to be my beginning to change the voice in my head. That voice has beat me up over the last 37 years. It's told me how unworthy I am, how lazy and worthless I am. It has told me that I am fat and ugl and that I will always be that way. "Slug" and "Troll" were some favorite names given to me by the voice in my head. I have begun to quiet that voice now, though. Another voice now tells me how awesome my ass looks and how that ass is a result of those strong thighs in the mirror. The new voice loves my eyes and the curve of my lips, and the new voice tells me what a smart, creative hardworker I am. Sometimes the voices still argue a little but everyday the new one gets stronger.

Question 2: How are you different as a result of the LE Program?
So far I'm 16 pounds lighter. I eat better and more often. I plan ahead a little further. I eat more veggies. Hell. I eat SPINACH! LOTS of it. EVERY DAY! But I don't think that's what you mean. Mostly I am a lot nicer to me. I think that's the biggest change.

Question 3: What would yo tell someone who asked you if the LE coaching program was worth doing?
I would tell them to stand naked in front of a full length mirror and look themselves deeply in the eyes. Then look at themselves from head to toes. Then again lok themselves in teh eyes. And I would tell them to ask themselves a few questions. 1. Do they like what they see? 2. Are they ready to shut up, quit making excuses and change what they see? 3. Are they willing to be different inside and out? If their answers are "No," "Yes," and "Yes," then I'd tell them to run directly to the computer and get on the next waiting list.

My Own Little Trail

2011-01-02T23:14:00.001-06:00

I promised a while back that I would post pictures of the trail the hubby pushed off for me while I was gone to Tennessee for Thanksgiving, and I did, actually, a week or so ago, but the post ended up in some cyber abyss somewhere.

Tonight I decided to try again, so here are some pictures and a map of the trail in my "backyard."

The purple line on the map is the property line around our 10 acres. The entrance to the acreage is in the top right, or north east, corner and the X is where our house is now. A marks the entrance to the trail, and the first pic is taken about 15 yards into it. The second pic is just of a particularly characteristic portion of the trail. B marks the spot on the trail where my favorite tree is. That's the last picture in the group. Point C is the third picture down which marks the switch from the new trail that winds through the woods and the one that has always been cleared around the periphery of the property. From point A to point C is 4/10 of a mile. The next pic is looking from point D to the point where the back opens up at point E. The next pic with the power line is point E, the back part of our property which includes an easement for a power line. The pic with the fence to the right is looking from F in the direction of G. The stretch from G to H is very similar to this pic. The next two pics are taken at H, the last from H looking out over the large front yard we have that is the clearing in the north east corner of the map. By following the square from C back to the C, I go another 4/10 of a mile, so from A to C to E, then G, H and back to C is a total of 8/10 of a mile.

It's one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given.

Attached Thumbnails

Elevated Push-up

2010-12-31T18:47:00.004-06:00

Some of you folks were around as I was struggling with every ounce of my being to master the push-up. For a very long time, it was my arch nemesis. As a matter of fact, my struggle with the push-up and how it has finally turned out is what allows me to continue to have hope that some day I will master the pull-up and the pistol. Last week on a whim I tried an elevated push-up...and was able to do several! So this week I thought I'd share a video.
The hubby, the girls, and I made a cold, snowy trip to Tennessee last week to see the family. I did well keeping up with the workouts and fairly well sticking to sound nutritional practices. I could have eaten less salt and more veggies, but I'll take it as it was. Before I left I snapped a pic of me with Mom and Dad and then one with me and the younger of my two brothers. They're fairly poor quality, but they're fun, so I thought I'd share. And of course, I have to throw one in of the girls and the hubby.

Fasting

2010-12-18T06:22:00.002-06:00

In phase 5 of Lean Eating, eat Thursday's lesson has been a dietary one--"no added fat day," "no added sugar day," etc. This weeks assignment was a fasting day. Being on night shift, my Thursday assignment falls Thursday night to Friday morning, and I did my fasting day on schedule for once. I debated whether or not I should do it with my history of anorexia. Since it was over 18 years ago that I went through that and came out fine on the other side, I decided to go ahead with it. Gotta love what I came into yesterday.Honestly, I knew from the beginning this lesson would be no problem for me--even after seeing those desserts. As an "all-or-nothing" kind of girl, the absolute nature of it was good for me. What I didn't expect was the feelings of satisfaction I got knowing I wasn't going to eat. Some part of me began to gravitate back to those days of anorexia and the precise control over intake I had back then. That feeling, one that I really can't even describe, was one that until yesterday was tucked way back in some obscure nook of my brain, one that I hadn't felt for years, and feeling it come back , even a little bit, was bizarre. Pathology is pathology, I suppose, and never truly 100% gone.On a different note, I was only a hungry a few times, and the feeling passed quickly with only a few minutes of grumpiness associated. Understanding and internalizing that temporary nature of hunger was another valuable lesson for the day.

2010-12-16T07:55:00.001-06:00

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College Roomie & CME

2010-12-13T20:03:00.007-06:00

I went to a continuing education conference this weekend on Amelia Island a couple of hours away. At times, I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I was in a room full of hundreds of other doctors, and I was one of a select few of them who was actually a healthy weight and who was active and fit. It was tragic. Equally tragic was the almost total focus on pharmaceutical interventions as opposed to lifestyle modification and assumption of personal responsibility. We had multiple lectures on diabetes with only one that mentioned lifestyle modification for prevention and reversal. We had a lecture on ADHD that didn't even ONCE mention management with proper nutrition and avoidance of certain food additives. It was truly dismal in many ways. I did include a couple of pics from the syllabus on the one good lecture addressing lifestyle modifications for diabetes treatment. That one lecture was quite refreshing.

I kept my workouts up while I was gone despite having forgotten any suitable shoes for the job. I had one pair of dress flats and a pair of ankle boots with heels and that was it! Soooo...I worked out in my socks in the fitness room. To use the elliptical, I had to put towels in the footwell for cushioning. Some other folks started trickling in as i was finishing up. I'm pretty sure they thought I'd lots my marbles. I had to get my workout it though!
My nutrition was good but not perfect. I had one completely non-compliant meal while visiting with my friend but otherwise did well since I packed a bunch of stuff to take with me. The food at the Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island was amazing, like they had a garden out back where they just walked out and picked everything and grabbed a chicken just for that one meal. I don't know how they did it, but man, did they ever!
Before I went last week, I did a little shopping, and for the first time in years didn't hate every second of it. I needed to get a top to wear to a wedding that I'm doing the photography for on New Year's Day, so I went to White House Black Market where I thought I'd be most likely to come across something and where I knew they were having quite a sale. I discovered while I was shopping that I am a remedial shopper. I must be led around by my nose to accomplish anything. Left to myself, I never find anything. Nothing, I tell you! Fortunately, the manager at the store grabbed a ton of stuff and threw me in a dressing room. I came out with a ton of stuff and wore lots of it this weekend. You see two of the outfits below.The gal you see with me is my college roommate, one of my best friends in the world. I had not seen her for six years before this weekend. We spent hours catching up, and I enjoyed every moment of her company. I miss having her as a daily part of my life.

Promises, Promises

2010-12-05T05:10:00.000-06:00

Measurement day when I got up this afternoon... While it wasn't great, it certainly could have been a whole lot worse. I was up a pound from last week but if I had to bet, I'd say that's mostly a result of the mound of salt I've eaten the last few days. My measurements showed a slight increase through the waist and hips, again what I suspect fell victim to the salt intake. That I think I'm about to start a cycle doesn't help that any. I'm just feeling "doughy" right now. At least I'm hoping all these symptoms are hormonal. Otherwise I'm just losing my frikkin' mind. I've teared up about a hundred times tonight, and a Humane Society commercial started a sob-fest.

So now the holiday trip is over, and I'm more in my usual routine. The last week of less-than-nutritional-perfection is over. I'm not happy with the minor setback. I'm even less happy that a week of potential progress has been wasted.A new week full of potential is at hand and I am determined not to waste this one. Consequently, I have made some promises to myself and a couple of my buddies.

1. NO added salt after something is cooked (and only minimal before cooking)...This includes NO salted nuts and NO jerkey that I didn't make myself with limited sodium products. Whew, this one is a hard one for me! I like my salt.
2. Fruit and dairy products only on every 4th day. I wasn't able to stick to this recommendation from Krista last week, so I'm going to really focus on it now. GOTTA remember that with regard to cheeses. For whatever reason, remembering not to eat cheese is the hard one for me.
3. 90% or greater PN compliance or greater!

....Hella results to post this time next week!

New "Toy"

2010-12-04T05:52:00.001-06:00

For today's EEW workout, I got to take advantage of the half mile trail the dh had pushed through the woods while I was gone to TN. (Our neighbor has a Bobcat and gives us a great deal on work done with it.) It's about 4 feet wide and winds a path through the woods, starting at the front right side of the yard and ending in the back left side of the yard. Before he had this done, I was just running the perimeter of the 10 acre property. This is so much more interesting and fun! Luna loves it, too. During dinner last night, we were talking about placing workout stations along it at intervals. I know I want another pullup bar along it somewhere, but I'll have to think about what others I want... Any suggestions?

I have found myself with some pretty serious cravings the last couple of days. I'm not sure what that's all about, but I've ended up eating a bit too much salt (on nuts and beef jerkey) as a compensation. I guess we'll see what that does to the weigh in later today. Overall, I've felt pretty out of sync this week. Not sure if it's a result of the travel or if it's just a general "funk." Hopefully it'll be short-lived, though.

Back from Home

2010-12-03T05:09:00.001-06:00

Finally back to the land of internet service...and back to work. I had a great visit with the family for Thanksgiving, but I'm glad to be home and in my routine again. Mom mentioned that I looked smaller, but no one else seemed to notice, and I hadn't mentioned to anyone up there that I was doing the program. I didn't meet my goal of 100% compliance, but I would say I did stay around 85% compliant, which for me is a big step during visits to the family. I don't think my weight went up this week which just might be a first for no weight gain while gone on a trip. LOL. I even gained weight when I went to the frikkin' RKC, the most physically demanding 4 days of my life. Oh well, we'll see what Saturday shows. It's all behind me now. I did get in my workouts, just shuffled them a little bit, and I have to say I have the utmost respect for you guys who have to go to a gym. That really is a totally different atmosphere. Some things about it help you push a little harder, but I'm not fond of people watching me while I work...or of sharing for that matter. I got to hang out with my godchildren for a little while while I was home. Here is the only pic I took or had taken of me all weekend which as to be some sort of record for this shutterbug.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T01:43:00.001-06:00

I love Thanksgiving. It's one of my favorite holidays, a day of celebrating and acknowledging the good and wonderful in life. And I have an infinite number of things for which to be thankful. Maia said it best today as she mentioned how grateful she is for our group of ladies here. You all make my life better, and for that I am quite thankful.

As usual, I had to work tonight. I almost always work Thanksgiving night and often work the whole weekend. Missing holiday dinners is old hat for me, and by default for my husband since he often won't go to group get-togethers without me. This year I was almost a little pleased not to be tempted, but when some friends of ours invited us to share a place at their family table this evening, we just couldn't turn it down. They are our "family away from family" here in Florida, and sharing the afternoon with them seemed appropriate. While I had already planned not to do the "sugar-free" day until tomorrow (Friday), I hadn't planned a splurge. My planned splurge was for Saturday, when I'll fly home to TN and share a meal with my wonderful family. Life, and living, is about flexibility, so I decided to go ahead and make a splurge out of it but to do it sensibly. "Sensibly," for me, has historically been a nightmare. I am an "all or nothing" kind of gal. One bite often sends me over the edge until bedtime and a fresh, new start the next day. I did it tonight, though. I ate small bits--1/4c or so--of each dish, maybe 1/2 c of my favorite. And the slice of pie I had for dessert was half the size of my first piece of pie that I usually have. No seconds. All post-workout. My friend even insisted I bring the pie to work with me since she had three more that she had fixed, and I haven't continued to nibble at it or have another piece. It has beckoned to me; I have been tempted. But I haven't touched it. I have resisted. This, for me, is huge.
I will still splurge for dinner Saturday night but do so more sensibly than usual, and I'll be able to manage "sensible" again, no problem.

For the last couple of weeks I have been pondering my splurges. I usually do a splurge meal once a week, part of my routine of maintaining sanity. Otherwise everything stays PN compliant. I know, though, that to finish strong I need to tighten up the nutrition some, so I'm going to decrease the frequency of those splurges. I can't decide exactly when and where I'll place them, but they are going to be limited to get-togethers with friends and family instead of my usual splurge piled up on the couch with the girls--and no more all-out glutinous debauchery.

The End of Lean Eating Phase 4/Month 4

2010-11-20T03:43:00.000-06:00

As we approach the end of Phase 4, they ask us to reflect, and find 2 ways that our mindset and our habits have improved in the last 4 weeks (as they do at the end of each phase).

Before I even get there, I find myself flabbergasted that we are 2/3's of the way through this program. Johanna mentioned in her log the impact of fully internalizing the knowledge that our pictures are 2 short months away, and I sympathize with her. TWO MONTHS! OMG! It just doesn't seem like enough time to be where I want to be when I dump a chunk of money into some pictures. They will serve their purposes, however. One, I will have pictures for the end of the program. Two, I'll have a Valentine's Day picture for the hubby, and while I might like it better if I were all buff and defined in those pictures, he loves me and finds me beautiful as is, so he'll love them regardless. But, really, two months?!

And I'll not even begin to get into the sense of loss I already feel not having the daily lessons and the online connection with "my girls." I really hope the alumni program is all that I want it to be.

About two of the ways my mindset has improved...I find myself obsessing less about the details of everything and just doing what needs to be done. Mentally, the habits are just that. They are automatic, so much so that I had to delay the "Low Fat Day" assignment because I took my fish oil before I thought about it. Another thing I have noticed is that I find myself less "food motivated," to borrow a term our vet uses to describe Luna. I look forward to and enjoy my treat meals, but I do not obsess over them. I definitely feel much more in control of what I choose to eat and when.

My improvements in my habits really overlap my mindset improvements quite a bit. I consider the rote nature of practicing the habits one of my best improvements. My other habit improvement has been to truly begin to internalize the eating only until 80% full. I no longer feel disappointed with this. I do occasionally have difficulty finding balance with getting my veggies and protein in without becoming too full, but most often I do ok.

I feel myself settling into this as a permanent change. Occasionally that concept--of its being the way I will live from here on out--begins to stifle me a little, to give me a small sense of panic. Then I begin to think rationally about it, about having lived this program for the last four months, about its being a choice that I make with each meal, one that I can continue to make, or not continue to make. But I am internalizing it as a part of how I function. I have done this before with nutritional habits and "fallen off the wagon" as life stressors hit. I think, though, that with age has come a wisdom that will allow me to resist that. At least I hope it will.

From My Lean Eating Log...

2010-11-17T03:48:00.001-06:00

Wow, almost a week since I posted an update! Jeez, time really flies. I worked three of the nights then headed north to do a photoshoot for a friend's daughter. I did my measurement and weigh-in on Saturday before I left and had actually been looking forward to it because I was certain I was going to have favorable results. When I stood on the scale and saw that it had not budged, my heart sank like a stone. I just KNEW it was going to have gone down at least a couple of pounds. Ugh. I was nervous going into the measurements. I just couldn't face another week of miniscule change. I needed affirmation of what I had been feeling all week. Fortunately, I got it. I was down in girth several different places. Thank goodness. I'm so glad we measure progress multiple ways.

I completed our "Fit Friends" assignment today. Only my buddy and his wife were able to play, but we had a good time. We did a six station circuit. Thirty seconds at each station, 10 seconds to change stations, rest 30 seconds after the sixth station. Repeat for a total of 10 circuits: Swings, Burpees, Ropes, Farmer's walk, Sandbag cleans, Jumps onto a plyo box.
I had someone take a pic when we were done. Although I taught them to be able to swing properly, I failed to show them how to clean the kettlebell properly. So, the picture isn't the best. And I'm a total goober, also reflected in pic.

Attached Thumbnails

Positive Attributes.

2010-11-07T15:57:00.003-06:00

This week has been a hard one for me with lots of soul searching on many levels. I was ridiculously sick this time last week, and thanks to life lessons and having a job that keeps me from having to formally go to the doc when I'm sick, I figured out on Tuesday that it was an early pneumonia. As badly as that sucks, I jumped on it full force with antibiotics, and I feel infinitely better this Sunday.
I missed a couple of workouts, and definitely let the nutrition slip a bit. Yesterday's intake was just plain ugly. That's the first time in over 3 months, though, and the binge was no where near as out of control as it would have been in the past, so I'll take it. Another difference is that I'm back on my game today. In times past, a day like yesterday would have sent me into days if not weeks of poor intake, of giving up.

Some of my frustrations this week stemmed from my wardrobe. The weather took a cool turn this week, and I dragged out some jeans from last year. I was anticipating their fitting better than they did last year, but they didn't. They fit about the same. This sent me into a tizzy. For a couple of days I was wondering why I'm even bothering with all this. I'm doing it to feel better about myself, to be able to do a pull up, to look like I'm as fit and strong as I know I am, to be a better example. So I think today I have my head out of my ass and screwed on straight again.

It seems like it's been a tough week for a lot of folks in the LE program. Maybe we're just reaching one of those times in the program where human nature is to begin to question things, and when life's stressors begin to overwhelm our initial resolve. On one log, there has been a conversation about how hard it is for women to acknowledge their positive attributes. I believe that we can overcome this difficulty if we put some effort into it and suggested that we spend a little time on our logs doing just that. I promised to start the trend with 5 of my positive attributes:
1.I am smart, with the precious gift my husband has given me to be able to think "outside the box".
2.I am tenacious.
3.I think I am good at making people feel cared for.
4.I am flexible, both physically and mentally. If one thing doesn't work out, I'm quick to move along to the next option without letting the change in direction throw me.
5.I communicate well.

For me, it's even harder to think of positive physical attributes, so I think I need to do an additional exercise. I think I need to think about those.
1. I love my hands. They are strong. My fingers are nimble. The palms are calloused, a testimony to the hours of work they do each week.
2. I like my neck. It is long and slender.
3. I have big eyes that I can really dress up with a little fun eye shadow.
4. I have fairly strong legs.
5. I have interesting teeth--just crooked enough.

People are starting to notice that I've lost weight. I've had two remarks from friends in as many days.

On the Mend

2010-11-05T01:12:00.001-05:00

As much as I try not to take them, antibiotics are a wondrous thing. I am feeling infinitely better, thank goodness.
I was able to get that upper body workout in today--albeit minus any extra cardio. I even did it with the same weights I used last week and didn't have to decrease them. It did stimulate a hefty cough reflex, but not so bad as to be prohibitive,and it calmed down after the first 15 minutes or so.
I've had to make myself eat the last several days. Being sick has hammered my appetite, but I've stayed compliant.

Again!

2010-11-03T02:58:00.001-05:00

I have often wondered about how my resolve wanes in times of illness or stress or duress otherwise unclassified. A trainer and friend of mine once shared some wisdom about that with me that made a lot of sense. He described it as a glass of energy that started out full, but it is all we have for any particular time period. The more we have going on, the more that energy gets drained into various directions. As simple as this is, it made a lot of sense to me and had never occurred to me before.

I have been quite sick the last few days, sleeping more than I have been awake, dragging around like the undead, living off of ibuprofen, vitamin C and zinc. My symptoms have been fairly nonspecific, just fever and lots of aches and pains, and a migraine most of the time--with the occasional cough. As I started to think about it, I began to realize it was the same way I felt last year when I ended up in the hospital because I'd been ignoring a pneumonia for 10 days. Sooo, tonight at work we snapped a couple of quick x-rays, and sure enough, there was one sitting in there. That's the bad news. Good news? Antibiotics should make it go away fairly quickly, and I got those started tonight.Needless to say, I haven't had a lot of surplus energy to put in my workouts. I did do the whole body workout yesterday, but I didn't do any cardio after like I've been doing. I did the lower body workout today, but I did decrease the weights some to get through it. Again, no cardio. Tomorrow is supposed to be EEW. In the beginning, they told us EEW could be any of a number of things, including rest days if that's what our bodies need, so tomorrow will be a rest day for me. Hopefully, I'll be feeling well enough to hit some kind of workout on Thursday.I had a splurge meal on Sunday, but otherwise I've kept compliant despite a seriously jacked-up appetite. I'm having to make myself eat because nothing sounds good at all.Ahh, the bumps in the road!

OH! I ALMOST FORGOT! Biggest week ever last week--2.5# down!
__________________

Relinquishing

2010-10-23T01:26:00.001-05:00

I have been reciting my mantra like a woman crazed. It hasn't left my mind for more than an hour at a time. Each time a negative thought pops into my head, immediately I think, "I am getting lighter and leaner every day." I try to internalize it, to feel it, to visualize myself leaner and taking up less space. Part of my heart feels empty and sad as I do this, as if I am the disillusioned Margaret chanting "I must, I must, I must increase my bust," while doing my chest exercises. (Did anyone else read this book as a young girl?) But then I try to combat that emptiness with hope. I am still not weighing daily as a way to combat the negativity if there is no daily change, or worse, if there are intermittent gains.

I find myself better embracing the changes I am undergoing as we go along. I've not ever been too fond of grocery shopping, but I kind of like looking for new healthy challenges to add to my repertoire. And, I have to admit, I puff up a little bit as I push my healthy cart through the store. The workouts, well, I love to workout, so that is good, as always. Weight used for each movement is increasing over the weeks, which is good. I have stopped stressing over someone else having control over their direction and instead embraced their knowledge and wisdom.

I suppose, in a nutshell, I am embracing the changes in habits and finally relaxing a little and hoping the visual changes will come. The little green monster does occasionally creep into my world, though, as I read about others who have had these wonderful losses. I want what they have--progress. But each person's progress is her own.

RKC Orlando

2010-10-19T22:54:00.001-05:00

Back from a great weekend! Being around other fitness-minded people is so nice for a while--especially when they are fitness minded but not full of themselves but instead all about teaching others the way of fitness. This RKC in Orlando was held at ESPN's Wide World of Sports Complex where they took great care of us. Fortunately they had a huge tent under which we were able to do the majority of the things we did. We had a great group not only of Team Leaders and Assistants but also of candidates. I had the honor of having Brett Jones be my team leader and Ryan Blackburn and Antonia Cordova be my fellow assistants.
I was able to get all my workouts in despite being out of pocket for a few days. I also got in all my veggies even though I wasn't able to eat exactly every 3-4 hours. I did get in 4-5 feedings per day; they just weren't spaced exactly right.
Here are some shots from the weekend. I have to admit. I am a bit disappointed with how I look, but I keep repeating my mantra, "I am lighter and leaner every day." I did this a lot this weekend as I frequently had feelings of inadequacy looking around at all the athletic beautiful women. And I am truly lighter and leaner. I had a 2 pound weight loss when I weighed in this week.
Oh! I almost forgot to mention my new acquisitions from the weekend: another 20kg bell AND 2 24 kg kettlebells, my heaviest yet.

Attached Thumbnails

Thanksgiving--Not the Holiday

2010-10-13T19:09:00.002-05:00

Today on one of the Lean Eating logs one of the coaches posted a little piece of wisdom that really hit home with me.

"How would you like to work really really hard and have someone crap on you? It sucks, right? Now imagine your body as that person who toils away thanklessly, day after day. It loves you and wants you to survive. Spend a few minutes with it and say thanks."--Krista Scott-Dixon

I try to be particularly vocal of my gratitude toward the people in my life. In general, I feel like voicing one's gratitude is not only the right thing to do, but I think it is good for the souls of both parties. Recognizing another's contribution to one's life increases one's appreciation of it, and in turn makes the other person feel appreciated. So, I try very hard to be grateful and to show that I am grateful. That I would be such a horrible ingrate to myself is not only ironic but tragic, but I am. I see little more than disappointment when I look in the mirror. I am over-analytical and harsh. I can look in the mirror and be thankful for my dear hubby who loves me regardless. And more often than not, when I see that reflection and am disappointed in it, my next immediate thought is of how fortunate I am to have a husband who sees me with love-blurred vision. Reading Krista's words, however, started my day off differently today.

Today, I spent the day trying to be thankful--of myself. I am always, each and every moment, thankful to the point of tears for my life in general. I am quite literally the most fortunate/blessed woman on the planet. I am, not, however, very thankful for my body in the way that I should be. I look at and focus on its faults and disappointments. How wrong of me! Look at what my body can do...what it does for me! It allows me to live an independent, mobile, active life. I do not struggle to complete simple daily tasks. I am flexible and strong. I can roll around on the ground and take pictures or pull a patient up in bed by myself. This past spring I taught my nieces how to turn cartwheels. I am not limited in what I want to do by any physical weaknesses. I am 37-years-old, and I don't even think about my age being a crutch. Patients I see and people I work with practically have themselves in the grave by the time they're 35! How inconsiderate of me to think so poorly of this body that does so well by me! I would be so pissed if anyone talked to a friend the way that I talk to my body. So it changes. From here on out, my body is my bestest friend.

Scrumptious

2010-10-07T04:21:00.001-05:00

Today is my first night back to work for a four day stretch, after a glorious 3 days off. I slept well today then got up for a great workout. I'm "greasing the groove" a little bit with turkish get-ups for my RKC retest next week, so I did a few of those. Then I got to the meat of the workout with swings, snatches, and burpees. Felt good.Yesterday's upper body workout was solid as well. I pushed my weights up on a few of the exercises as compared to last week. I've decided that I need to err on the side of heavier at first because I surprise myself with what I am able to do. Once I pick the weight up, I'm much more apt to go on with it. I can always back down if needed to hit the reps on the next round.Today is day two of keeping a detailed food journal for Krista. I'll turn three days of that in day-after-tomorrow for evaluation and hopefully some ass-kicking recommendations. I've been eating well today,but for some reason I have stayed hungry all day. Stayed on track, though

!!!
I almost forgot to mention the highlight of my night!When I got to work tonight, one of my friends who is fit and gorgeous (can I just tell you she is 6 feet of blonde, volleyball-playing gorgeous) told me my "ass looks scrumptious in those pants." I had to ask her if she was making fun of my pants because I was afraid they were too tight. But after she assured me she wasn't, I was SO tickled!.............my husband didn't happen to notice as I left......

2010-10-03T18:08:00.001-05:00

Weigh in yesterday was no fun. I was up half a pound, which is my second week of increasing weight instead of decreasing. My measurements were pretty much the same, though my chest measurement was a half inch smaller.
The Thursday before we started this adventure, I weighed 170.5#. The hubby and I went to a friend's wedding that weekend. I did the photography for it and splurged a bit at the reception. When I got home, I weighed 174.5#, and that is where I started the program. Now, 9 weeks in, I find myself still above the weight with which I went into that weekend--with negligible changes in my measurements. A couple of weeks ago I was finding it fairly easy to maintain a positive attitude. That, however, has become increasingly more difficult which ends up stressing me more because I know it is counterproductive. So I decided this morning when I weighed in that I wouldn't weigh in anymore until Saturday when it is scheduled for the program. What I've been doing obviously isn't working, so I will start with this simple step.
At the risk of TMI, it's now been 2 months since my last period. My headaches, too, have become much more frequent, and I'm finding myself taking ibuprofen and/or Imitrex what seems like four or five days a week (maybe I should track this better) and other times just suffering through to see if they'll go away on their on. I have thought a lot about this over the last week, and finally last night realized something.
My last period was the first of August. Shortly thereafter my parents' began have some problems with their already failing health. I spent all of my days off in August in TN as a result. Problems continued in September but began to smooth out some. Work, too, has been increasingly busy and more stressful with pressures coming from multiple places. Before we moved to FL, I had gone 3 years without a period and headaches were a constant issue. Both returned to normal after we moved. My perceived stress level was really no different, but obviously it was. I certainly think stress is playing a big factor here. My question is, "How much is it playing into my difficulty with weight loss?" The knee-jerk answer is "a lot," but I didn't lose a bunch of weight when everything improved after we moved despite continued effort. So who knows?!

2010-09-29T21:31:00.002-05:00

Wednesday, September 29, 2010.
170.5#

Eight weeks into the Lean Eating Program, and I am 4.5 pounds down. I've got to say, not the start I was hoping for. And, yes, we are taking pictures every four weeks and measuring once a week, but honestly, the progress there is even more dismal. One could easily confuse the three sets of pictures. I have promised myself to follow this through the whole six months, though, so that is what I'm going to do.
Our workouts change every 4 weeks, and this is week one of phase three. So far, this is my least favorite phase, but we'll see. I'm usually slow to warm up to a new workout.

Sacrifice

2010-09-19T13:51:00.002-05:00

As I was cooking lunch for me and my husband this morning, I was looking at his part of the meal, Ro-tel dip and BBQ cocktail wieners, and wondering if I wanted just to make this a splurge meal for the week by eating a little and following it up with some ice cream. I would be cooking some steak and super-lean ground beef anyway to keep it from going bad while we're gone the next couple of days. The beef was to be my lunch, along with some squash, peas and tomatoes, all fresh. The whole time I was cooking, those two crazy voices were conversing in my head.As things were about to be finished, Marc went out to swim and asked that I bring a drink to him. I did, and as I was coming back inside, I caught a glimpse of myself in the windows of the back door. A whole new line of thought immediately started.

The glimpse I caught was enough to dissuade me from splurging on the Ro-tel and weiners. After having eaten my steak and veggies, I acknowledged the desire for those foods was just in my head. My plate was infinitely more enjoyable than Marc's.

But another line of thinking started with that glimpse as well. For a while now--a couple of years maybe--I have wondered if having the physique that I want is worth the "sacrifices" I will make to get it. After all, even though I'm not satisfied with the one I have now, I'm not grotesque by most standards. Stirring the Ro-tel, I realized that it is worth it--at least for now. At least, when I find myself looking in the mirror at what I want to see, it will be. I want to see that reflection, just for a little while. Then I might reconsider the "sacrifices" made to be there. For too long, my sense of self-worth, my opinion of how I represent to the rest of the world, has been wrapped up in this endeavor. I have allowed being chubby to make me miserable, to take from me things that it never should have. I have lived for too long in anticipation of what it would feel like to visibly show the hard work I put in working out. To say that sacrificing some to reach my goal is ludicrous. After all, how can I, in good conscious, call it sacrifice when truly it is fueling my body with wonderful food that keeps it strong and healthy?

Precision Nutrition Lean Eating Coaching Log

2010-09-16T11:13:00.001-05:00

I am starting a "log" over on the Precision Nutrition site. Periodically I will cut and paste those entries here since this is the more permanent of the two. Here is today's entry:

I am now in my seventh weak of the Lean Eating Coaching program. While I hate to start in the middle of things, I have enjoyed reading others' logs here, and I have learned from them. And, honestly, part of me feels like in order to fully invest in this endeavor, I need to do this part as well, so I am starting a log here to compliment the blog I have had for years.

I have come to this project, like many others, out of desperation. My weight has been a lifelong battle for me, ranging at times from an anorexic 100# at 5'6" tall, to somewhere north of 220# (I never weighed at my heaviest). During the stressful times, I would gain weight. When life was good, I would take it off. At age 37, however, the pounds are not coming off anywhere near as easily, and I find myself "stuck" around 170#. I have been between 160 and 175 for the last year or so after having lost 20-30 pounds a couple of years ago.

Working out is not the issue for me. My workouts keep me sane, literally, as I found several years ago that it keeps what I believe to be clinical depression at bay. I had some hesitancy about turning control of my workouts over to the LE program, but those doubts have quickly gone away as I've seen results.

For me, the issue is nutrition. It seems that no matter what I eat, as long as it's not HUGE amounts or "off plan" for more than a day or two, I stay in the same weight range. Take a pound here, give a pound there. I could stay on plan PERFECTLY for a couple of weeks and take one meal off, and BAM! all 2 pounds I had lost were back. It all seemed so pointless. I have tried multiple approaches, including working with a bodybuilding nutritionist for 4 months. She accused me of not following her plan. I even did TONS of lab work at her behest, all of which was normal. It seems I can't blame my difficulties on my pituitary, my thyroid, too much testosterone or early menopause. Damn.

So here I am. I was a little afraid to start this endeavor. First and foremost, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But the good things in life rarely are. My most nagging worry was and has been that it might not work. What happens if I follow the rules, do what they ask of me, and at the end of 6 hard-spent months I find myself still staring into the mirror at the chubbling I was in the beginning? Does that mean I will never find myself in the body I so desperately want? Does it mean that I am in some way broken? Am I at that point obligated to go to the doctor for even more labs to figure this out?

I will cross that bridge when I get there. Right now I am simply taking one day at a time.

For posterity:
My starting weight was 174.5, but I'd been eating a ton of salt and a fair amount of that was fluid. The following week I weighed 170.5 which is what I weighed today in the middle of week 7.
My measurements haven't really gone anywhere either though honestly, it seems I have some small problem dependably measuring despite my handy-dandy tape measure made just for measuring people.
My clothes are another hard thing to gauge since I wear scrubs at work and stretchy stuff most of the rest of the time. One of the ladies at work who hadn't seen me in a few weeks did say something the other day about my appearing to have lost a little weight, though.
I do feel like I've gained some muscle mass. That is painfully subjective, however.

Be Active Award

2010-09-13T21:23:00.002-05:00

I was approached a month or so ago by a site called Be Active which compiles blogs and articles that active women might find interesting. One way or another they tripped across my blog and decided to send me an e-mail asking if I would like to be a guest blogger and notifying me that I had one the "Be Active Award." I suspect they simply need material for their site, but I decided to post the award regardless. You'll see it off to the right.

Difficult Difficult

2010-09-10T13:48:00.003-05:00

Our lesson for today in the Lean Eating Coaching program comes from multiple great minds including Alwyn Cosgrove, passed down from one to another and now to us, and it is about the need to put one's self outside her comfort zone in order to grow. Plain and simple enough in theory. And sometimes I think we believe we're doing just that, but as I was reading the lesson, I realized that in the last year or so I've been giving in to the difficult easy in my workouts and my nutrition. The "difficult easy" things are those that, while taxing us either physically or mentally or otherwise, keep us within our comfort zones. The "difficult difficult" things push us outside of those places where we are comfortable and stretch us, help us to grow. As Alwyn Cosgrove puts it,"If I told you that tomorrow you were going to give a presentation to a thousand people, and then do some full contact sparring, a lot of you would recognize how difficult this was. And it is. But for me, who presented over 26 times in the last year, and spent years fighting competitively and doing hard sparring, it’s well within my comfort zone. I can pretend that it’s difficult, but it’s still easy to me and won’t help me grow."

For me, "difficult easy" is doing the work. Neither dirt, nor sweat, nor hard work scares me. I love my callouses. I relish my time in the sun and heat. Give me a task, an assignment, and I'm a dutiful worker. For me, "difficult difficult" is turning over control of my nutrition and my workouts and having faith that what I am doing will bring the results I want. I am quite accustomed to being in control. Before signing up for this, though, I realized that my being in control wasn't accomplishing what I wanted. That realization led the way for me to place myself outside of my own comfort zone and into this program, promising myself that I would put everything into it for the next 6 months.

Things are going okay thus far. Changes are not coming quickly, but I believe they are coming. I find myself more in control of what goes in my mouth, less impulsive about it. I seem to be advancing in the workouts, too, picking up a rep here or a heavier bell and there. I have to admit, I had hoped for quick, earth-shattering movement, but in reality knew not to expect as much. Slowly,though, I am developing patience.

Now...In honor of the opening of the NFL official season:

Time Flies

2010-08-14T17:42:00.003-05:00

Saturday, August 14, 2010
170.5# Day 12 LE Coaching program

I'm now 12 days (?!) into the lean eating coaching program, and I am learning to turn over some control, a thing you all know does not come easy for me. The program, by design, is made to slowly change poor habits and build new, better habits. It doesn't shove us abruptly into a new game and expect us to follow all the rules. Since I am a "trial by fire" kind of girl, this is new for me, and since what I am right now isn't working, I decided to go with someone else's plan.

The coaches have not yet adjusted any of our dietary habits. So far we have simply added a specific, personally adjusted dose of fish oil to our diets. Nothing else. Strange, huh? All of us participants are sort of chomping at the bit to start these major dietary habits, but they are taking things slowly, one small step at a time. We are learning to sit back and take that small step at a time, letting it become second nature. Most of us are also trying to implement some of the PN nutrition at the same time on our own, though. As for myself, I am well satisfied with my nutritional choices over the last 2 weeks. This is the control I am more than ready to give up. Control of my workouts has been more difficult to relinquish.

To me, it seems there are too many awesome, fantabulous goals to have in terms of one's physical prowess. While they all sit in the back of my mind, three rose to the top as ones I wanted to accomplish ASAP: unassisted pull-up, full body weight pistol, 100 16kg snatches in under 5 minutes no matter when I picked up the bell. For months I have been gearing all of my workouts toward those goals, and to relinquish that almost prevented me from signing up for this program. Being a mainstream sort of program, the workouts are based on the mainstream. They are gym workouts using all the good compound movements. But they are GYM workouts. Nope. Unacceptable. I workout outside. I workout with kettlebells or sandbags or bodyweight. Period. BUT...you can do those compound movements with kettlebells. So, while they do not recommend adjusting the workouts, I am. I am doing them with bells and bodyweight, and I'll add sandbags if I need to. I am not, however, going to a gym (except when I have to travel without the bells). This might very well disqualify me from the refund they guarantee if you follow the program 90% or better and don't get the results you want, but I'm willing to take that risk. These workouts so far have been long (60-75 min including my 100 snatch warm-up), but good. I guess sometimes shaking things up can be a good thing.

Some pics taken 8-1-2010 at a friend's wedding. They'll serve as "befores."

WORKOUTS:
So far they want us to do these workouts at low weight to become accustomed to the movements and to figure out what weight to be using. For the last 2 weeks, we have been alternating lower body workouts with upper body workouts. The second week, we added what they call a "dynamic warm up." I start every workout with 100 16kg snatches. I follow that with one set of all the warm up exercises and 2 sets of all the workout exercises.

Lower Body Dynamic Warm-up
Partial Pistol (I added this one) 4/4
Band Stomp x 10/10
Walking Lunge with Warrior Stretch x 3/3
Alternating lateral squat x 4/4
Side-to-side Squat x 4/4
Band Squat with 5 second hold x3
Overhead Alternating Rear Lunge x 5/5
Overhead Alternating Forward Lunge x 5/5
Overhead Back and Forth Lunge x 3/3
Overhead Squat x 3

Lower Body Workout--2 sets of 5 of each.
Goblet Squat w/9k
Front Squat w/12k x 2
Back Squat w/35# Bavarian Bag
Rear Lunge w/9k
Forward Lunge w/9k
Walking Lunge w/9k
Split Squat w/o weight
Lateral Squat w/o weight
Swing 16k x 2
Romanian Dead 16k x 2
Single leg Dead 12k x 2
Suitcase Dead 16k x 2
Conventional Dead 16k x 2

Upper Body Dynamic Warm-up
Overhead Band Pull-apart w/Black Band w/ 3 sec Squeeze x 5
Horizontal " " " x 5
1 Arm Band Shoulder Press x 5/5
1 Arm Band Shoulder Fly x 5/5
1 Arm Band Internal Rotation x 5/5
1 Arm Band External Rotation x 5/5
Side Lying External Rotation x 5/5
Side Lying Rear Delt Fly x 5/5
Scarecrow x 4
Push-up x 6
Scapular Push-up x 4
Pronated Reverse Push-up x 6
Supinated Reverse Push-up x 6
Pronated Reverse Push-up w/Scapular Retraction

Upper Body Workout
Chin-up (Black & Purple) 3 x 3
Pull-up (Black & Purple) 3 sets of 5
Neutral Pull-up with Black & Purple 3 sets of 5
Alternating Bent Row 12k x 2--2 sets of 5
Renegade Row 16k x 2--2 sets of 5
Suitcase Row 20kg
Renegade Row 16k x 2--2 sets of 5
Suitcase Row 20k--2 sets of 5
Push-up 3 sets of 6
Bench Press 35# Bavarian Bag--2 sets of 5
1 Arm Press 16k--2 sets of 5
Close Grip Push-up--2 sets of 3
Viking Push Press 16k--2 sets of 5/5
Double 12k Press--2 sets of 5

Fear of Failure. Fear of Success.

2010-07-28T21:06:00.003-05:00

Wednesday, July 28, 2010
170# (I looked back at my workout log from last year. This is 8.5# more than I weighed this time last year.)

I've had a really strange run of emotions these last few days since signing up for the Lean Eating Coaching Program at Precision Nutrition. Certainly I am excited, but even more than that, I am anxious, and for what have proven to be an interesting bunch of reasons. The obvious apprehension surrounds the demands of food preparation, workouts, resisting temptation (obviously the resisting of temptation is a hard one for me). I've asked myself hundreds of times if I'm really ready for this. Will it hold up to all the traveling I have to do over the next 6 months? Am I ready to give control of my workouts over to the PN staff? Am I ready to measure and weigh and prep? These questions I anticipated.

What I failed to anticipate were the other questions and worries. What if I follow this to the letter (as I have other things for varying periods of time) and I still don't lose any weight? What then? Am I broken?...destined to spend life in my current fluffy bubble? What if it works...fabulously...and I find myself looking at an image in the mirror that I have dreamed about for longer than I care to remember? Will I finally be pumping out pull ups like a champ? Will the pistol be a breeze? Where to go from there? I'm not even there, and I feel a knot it my gut with the worry of regression. I'm not even there, and I wonder who the hell that is looking back at me from the mirror. It seems I have a constant stream of interesting thoughts about this process. My mind is truly a scary place.

WORKOUT:
My nutrition has been good the last few days, so it shows in my workouts. I'm up to a 5RM pull up ladder with just the purple band and a 4RM ladder with the partial pistol. On a 13RM ladder with the push ups. They all felt really solid today, too, with the exception of the pistol on the right. Lately I've been having some issues holding tension on that side.

I realized today that I have sacrificed too much in my quest for the pull up and the pistol. My workouts have been too focused on them and I have let my ballistic conditioning slide. Duly noted. Time to readjust.

Precision Nutrition Lean Eating Coaching Program

2010-07-26T23:03:00.002-05:00

Monday, July 26, 2010
172#

I am a firm believer in an individual's following the path that works for her or him. No two people are exactly the same, and therefore, no two journeys are the same. By the same token, one thing might work well for a person at one point in time, while at a different time, a very different thing might be called for.
I strongly believe in the power of the Primal Blueprint. The science is sound; the theory makes sense.
Right now, though, I need something a little different. Mainly, I need accountability and an out-and-out challenge. So today I signed up for the Precision Nutrition Lean Eating Coaching Program. We'll see how this plays out...

Revelations

2010-07-14T04:08:00.003-05:00

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Getting my daily dosages of the "3 P's," pull ups, push ups, and pistols, has been a hard pill to take at times. It has been defeating, demoralizing, mentally exhausting. A few times it's been a comfort, like an old pair of shoes, to go out and fall into something so familiar, but mostly I have felt like I am going out each day to fight a giant, a benevolent one, but a giant nonetheless. I do feel the progress, however. As I was doing my five sets of push ups this last 5 days, the rep scheme was 12, 11, 10, 9, 9...then the next day 12, 11, 10, 10, 9, etc., I realized that for 4 sets out of 5 I was doing 10 or more perfect push ups. Only then did it occur to me that I had not only hit a long-standing goal but I had surpassed it by a long shot and not really even acknowledged it. For a very, very long time I had the goal of being able to do 10 consecutive perfect push ups. For what seemed like forever this goal seemed out of my reach, the nerdy, chubby girl's pipe dream. But then I focused on the road, not the destination, and suddenly I was there. I have to admit, I did a little dance with my workout buddies when I had that realization. And as always, one revelation leads to another, and I thought about how frustrated I am with how long it's taking me to get an unassisted pull up and a pistol. They will come just like the push ups did. I just have to focus on the road.

The Workout Buddies

Luna Gets a Little Workout of Her Own

My Challenge to You to Make a Difference

2010-07-05T22:18:00.005-05:00

Monday, July 5, 2010

While not directly fitness related, I bring to you some food for thought with regard to your water consumption. I suspect that you, like me, keep water or some other drink somewhere close at hand most of the time. It seems everywhere you go, you see people with a bottle of water either in their hand or in their bags. Few of those people, however, put much thought behind the environmental repercussions (let's not even get into the associated health debate) of choosing to drink water from a bottle. Here is a little video that touches on that subject:

Tara Whitney is a photographer whose blog I follow, and a couple of months back she wrote a post regarding her efforts at leading a more environmentally friendly existence. In it, she mentioned a few of the things she has found to make that existence easier. While I had already stopped using bottled water myself, I had had an unbelievably difficult time convincing the hubby not to buy it. He argued that he just did NOT like to drink out of the containers I was using (those wide mouth 1 liter bottles), and keeping them rotated in the fridge to stay cold was just too much effort. Not to mention, the water got too warm for him before he could drink it all. To me, those all seemed like silly excuses, but they were significant enough to prevent stopping him from buying bottled water, so I needed to find a way around them. Tara's post further inspired me and the bottles below were our solution. I bought reusable plastic because Marc thought drinking out of a metal bottle sounded unappealing. I bought the metal bottle below to give them a run, too. Both sets were bought off Amazon. We already had water filters that I had been using, so now we just bottle that water up and keep it in the fridge for him. We've been doing this now for about 6 weeks, and I'm proud to say the reusable bottles are a success.
And so you have an even better idea what you'll be helping to save..Much of the water you buy comes from natural springs. Lots of it even comes from the springs here in north central Florida. These springs are some of the most beautiful places I have ever been or seen. They are at risk, though, as more and more bottling companies set up near them to bottle the water from the Floridan Aquifer that feeds them. Even I have seen the effects of this over the years that I have been coming here. The water levels have noticeably dropped in just that amount of time. This picture doesn't do them justice, but take my word for it. These springs are a resource we do NOT want to lose.
So, PLEASE, consider what I have brought before you, and think about how much money AND how much of our earth you can save by taking this one simple step.

Keep It Simple

2010-06-29T11:31:00.002-05:00

Tuesday, June 28, 2010
169#

I started last week with the idea that I was really going to focus my efforts and get honed in on the Primal way of life and approach to nutrition. That lasted all of about 3 days before I derailed, (I owe you a book, Mr. Jenks) and since then, I have been working on getting dialed back in. I start the day doing well and lose my resolve as the evening hits. Last night I had my first all-out binge in a long time. It started with P.F. Chang's take out that I had gotten in Jacksonville and proceeded to cheesecake that was in the fridge for friends who are visiting and moved on to some ice cream Marc got then came right back to more cheesecake. Yes, I had some of all of it, and no, it wasn't just a bite or two of each. As a matter of fact, just sitting here writing about it, all I can think about is the fact that there is more cheesecake and more ice cream in the fridge and how since I'm off track already one more day of debauchery wouldn't be too bad. Thus, my goal is to make it through the next hour without eating anything off the plan. Then, I'll make it through the next hour, and so on...

Laurel Blackburn,RKC from Tallahassee has been one of many invaluable sources of support here lately, and she dropped me a message here recently to check in on me. In my response to her, I admitted that my motivation wasn't just waning with regard to my diet but that I have had a global loss of it. Laurel made a beautifully simple observation in response, "You must just be overall burned out." Huh. Damn. Makes perfect sense. As I reflected on my difficulty maintaining my diet, I realized that in many regards right now I am simply going through the motions of life. In short, I am taking one day at a time, in many ways surviving rather than thriving. Don't feel too sorry for me just yet. I struggle from moment to full and demanding moment because I am blessed with more love and opportunities than I know how to manage-literally. Every single day off for as long as I can remember, I have had something planned. No days of just hanging out, doing nothing, always somewhere to go and something to do. Too many goals. Too many friends and family to love and spend time with (I am being facetious here, btw). So I will be gentle on myself. I will do what I can. And I will take life, and all that comes with it, one moment at a time, reaching my goals slowly but surely.

WORKOUTS:
Still plugging along with the 3P's. Each workout has it's small victories as I begin to feel the mechanics of the motions more intricately. Each nuance builds on the one before it as I begin to put the pieces together. Though I am not a natural athlete, I tend to be persistent, and it is paying off a little at a time.

My Current Challenge to Myself

2010-06-20T10:14:00.002-05:00

Sunday, June 20, 2010

My eating habits, while by no means horrible, have fallen by the wayside a bit since returning from the CK-FMS. Today they go back on track as I start the Primal Blueprint eating plan. I can't exactly follow the fitness portion of it, but that will come after I assist at Level 1 in October...or maybe after I get my first pull up and pistol. So, here we go. I will follow this plan until the RKC in October (actually, I plan to follow it from here on out, but my punitive measures will last until October). I will have a splurge meal when my in-laws come in July, and at our friends' marriage on August 1st, then again for my birthday August 15. My splurge meal will be a meal, not whole day. My dessert will either be homemade or ordered at a restaurant or will be no more than half a pint of ice cream. The days I am visiting my parents I will relax quite a bit. I don't see my parents very often, and I don't have many more more opportunities to eat my mom's cooking or my dad's, so I'm not going to restrict this week. (One of the things I miss about my grandmother is cooking Sunday dinner with her and sitting down to that meal. I want to make the most of this opportunity with my parents.) And if I backslide? My friends will benefit, and I'll just rotate through the list sending books: Mr. Jenks, Mr. Enu, Ms. Blackburn, Mr. Alford, Mr. Calleo. The game is afoot.

Slow Progress

2010-06-13T12:37:00.003-05:00

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Really?! Three weeks already since I got back from CK-FMS?! Damn, time is really getting away from me.

I have been plugging away, but I have to admit that it has been less than a 100% effort. My work schedule has been solid, and the days I am working have been full tilt boogie all night long. Nights like that drain a person in a way I can't even begin to describe. Until this weekend, even all of my days off were booked full of activities, so there has been little time for decompression. My resolve softens in times like these. Sometimes I think it's my body telling me it needs a breath. I know I have trouble keeping "in tune" with my body, so I struggle with trying to figure out whether I am lazy or whether my system is unraveling. Regardless, I only worked out four days last week, and my nutrition has been off, not horrifically, but off. The extra 30-60 minutes of sleep and the Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey sucked me right in.

I am still steadily working Pavel's Fighter Pull up Plan for advancing my pull up, my pistol, and my push up numbers. The progress might seem a bit lame, but it is undoubtedly progress and for once I am trying to allow myself to be proud of it instead of being ashamed that I am so lame that such numbers actually are progress.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
Purple band assisted pull ups/Perfect push ups: 4/11, 3/10, 2/9, 1/8, 1/7--Just so happens this is the first time I've ever done more than 10 push ups--at least the way push ups are supposed to be done.
Partial Pistols: I went from going down to my platform with a sandbag on it to going down to the bare platform today. 3/3, 2/2, 1/1, 1/1
100 16kg snatches in 7' ~15". I was doing this in 5 rounds of 1'30" and I decreased it to 1'25" today. Unfortunately, I had to go a little over.

CK-FMS

2010-05-31T00:19:00.004-05:00

Sunday, May 30, 2010

169#

I spent last weekend in St. Paul packing serious amounts of information into my little brain. While the CK-FMS is brilliant in its simplicity, it is also a LOT of stuff to process in just a few days. The gist of it is that it is a simple screening using 7 basic movements and a score for each to assess a person's risk for injury and whether a person is safe to do particular movements. Then, using a specific protocol for action, an FMS practitioner can help a client fix his or her problem areas. 103 of us spent 4 days learning that protocol both through lectures and labs where we practiced on one another in our given teams in much the same way we did at the RKC. I had already established for myself what a genius of movement Brett Jones is when he was my team leader for the RKC. Now I understand why he is teamed up with Gray Cook. Occasionally, we come across someone who just sees something differently. They might not understand why or how, but for whatever reason, they can break something down to its most basic level and then extrapolate from there. I suspect Gray is one of those people, that he sees movement and specifically movement dysfunction in a way most people do not, and then can reverse engineer that into a way to fix it. Even better, he can communicate to others what he sees--and be entertaining in the process :). I suspect it is very much like the way that Pavel evaluates movement and strength. This feeling of learning from people who just see movement differently was very much the same as it was at the RKC, and I enjoyed it.

A couple of things that were distinctly different from the RKC were the lack of an overall feeling of camaraderie and the lack of a physical beat down (though the mental beat down was plenty). Though we had occasional "movement breaks" in which we went over the TGU or had a short 20 minute workout to clear our minds for a little while, the long, grueling workouts and constant physical punishment were just not there. Instead, they packed our brains full of information. At one point, I felt like my head was one of those Hefty garbage bags with seemingly infinite stretch, and Gray and Brett were using one foot to pack in more and more and more. As the weekend went on, though, the thoughts began to come together, and I think we all were able to make better sense of it. The other thing (to which I had actually really looked forward as I anticipated the weekend) was the lack of camaraderie between the candidates. I thought a lot about this feeling and talked about it with a couple of friends. Though we were unable to reach a specific conclusion, we had a lot of thoughts about why there wasn't as great a feeling. First, everyone there was at least RKC certified, and there were many level II's, team leaders and seniors. We were no longer newbies, hoping to measure up. Instead, I think many of the people there were in some sort of pissing contest trying to be the smartest, best, coolest RKC around. Granted, not all of us were that way, and the people who do feel like they have something to prove to earn a position in the "cool crowd" are always the ones who are a little bit loud, a little bit boisterous, and a lot noticeable. But given the mood I was already in before I got there, these few sucked a little bit of the fun out of it all for me. Instead of feeling like we were all working together to get a job done, to support one another, to uplift each other, I felt a little like we were in middle school and I was the geeky fat kid with Coke bottle glasses again. How much of this feeling was my general funk and how much was actuality is hard to discern.

Despite this general feeling for me, I was able to meet some great folks and solidify some friendships started months ago and built slowly via phone calls and the internet. Two other Florida RKC's made the trip for the weekend. Jon Alford is an RKC from Pensacola, and Laurel Blackburn is an RKC from Tallahassee. I can't even remember how I met Jon, but he and I have talked over the phone, met up once to work out, and have been internet pals for a while now. Laurel and I met when she came to the Sara Cheatham workshop I hosted in November of last year, and we followed each other on Facebook after that. They both have been wonderful inspirations and, along with many of my other blog readers, have helped keep me on track when my faith was waning. I had the distinct pleasure of getting to know each of them better over the four days of the FMS and am all the better for it. They are both outstanding individuals (as most RKC's seem to be despite my feeling last weekend), and I wish we were all closer together than what we are.

I did get to catch up with the Irontamer a little while we were there.

Overall, I am happy that I went and pleased with the experience and definitely would do it again. If my primary gig were personal training, I'd be beside myself with the info I came away with.

WORKOUTS: I'm on week 10 of Pavel's Fighter Pull Up Protocol, and I am definitely advancing with the bands. I tried an unassisted pull up today, though, and didn't really seem to get any further than I did before I started the protocol. I knew going into this that it would still take months and months to get to an unassisted pull up, but I am hitting a point at which my motivation is waning. Honestly, I think it is waning in all of life and that is just carrying over here. I have SO many fitness goals, SO many things I want to do.I am finding staying on just a couple of things with such slow results very difficult.

With regard to that 169# up there, I left for the FMS weighing about 165#. I had followed my plan just as laid out for over a month, and I had scheduled to splurge on the trip. I splurged 4 meals and had dessert for 3 of them. Yes, I realize that is overkill, but no I would not expect to completely negate more than 5 weeks worth of hard work in a short 4 days. WTF?! I think I'm just frikkin' gonna be a chubbling the rest of my life. There's a string of expletives about a mile long I want to insert right here--about 15 f-bombs. I f'n give up. It is what it is. I am what I am, and apparently that's just gonna be chubby.

Why Do We Train? Part II

2010-05-17T23:51:00.003-05:00

Monday, May 17, 2010
165.5#
RKC's call it the "What the hell" effect, the way that kettlebell fitness overlaps into fitness in daily life or into fitness required for other endeavors. For instance, a basketball player might find him or herself with a higher vertical jump after a month of swings and snatches performed with a proper hip snap. This overlap is always fun to find.
A couple of weeks ago I spent 5 days training for one of the most intense things I've ever done, cave diving. Obviously, one should take this endeavor very seriously and train physically, mentally and emotionally. Training for it, though, can be difficult because it's kind of hard to mimic the action of using a frog kick to swim up a water hose. The frog kick is not a natural motion for non-frogs--I'm just sayin'. On top of worrying about swimming in a manor that doesn't stir up silt and trying to keep up with a buddy and the line and everything else, one must keep an eye on gas consumption, a real-life application of VO2 Max. Despite the unnatural feel of the movement, the nerves that tend to make a person over-breathe, and the newness of it all, I held my own with a veteran. I made it farther into one of the local difficult, high-flow caves than most people do on their first dive (by far), my gas consumption was great, and I wasn't sore the next day. Undoubtedly, all of this is directly related to my kettlebell practice, quite a nice "what the hell" effect.

Here's an underwater (yes, it IS that clear) pic of the hubby taken by Hollywood stills photographer Gene Page who happens to be a friend of ours.
WORKOUTS: I am on 9 rep max week in Pavel's Figher Pull up program, and on 8 rep max week of applying it to pistols. At the end of the 3P workout, I usually have been adding some squat thrusts with a jump, some snatches or some swings. When I get back from CK-FMS, the ballistics at the end of the workouts will become more regimented.
I am slowly but steadily making progress with my form in the 3P's. I am adding tension and explosiveness with each workout and feeling the movements more each time.

Why Do We Train? Part I

2010-05-10T21:30:00.005-05:00

Monday, May 9, 2010
166#

I have had the pleasure of being off of work for the last 8 days--an advantage of the type of work that I do. While I might have been away from work, I have not been away from work. I have been busy.
Last Monday I went with my fishing buddy Earl on a float fishing trip down the Ichetucknee River. Earl is quite the inspiration. He is 80 years old and more vibrant than most 50-year-olds I see. He has spent his entire life fishing the rivers in this area, and wandering these dirt roads (only main roads in north central Florida are paved). He walks an hour every morning--barefoot if it's more than 70 degrees outside. As a matter of fact, once spring hits, he doesn't ever wear shoes unless it's to the store or church. He always offers a smile, and is an eternal optimist. Anyway, he wanted to take me on a float fishing trip which amounts to sitting in float like this oneand casting your line. Though we usually fly fish, the stretch of river we went down was too narrow, so we were spin casting. Loaded with a fish basket, this float weighs about 10 pounds and is seriously unwieldy. When I threw it up on my shoulder, the ends hung down to about my knees. Then, of course, we had rods to carry too. Because the trip laid out the way it did, we had to walk about 1/2 a mile to the put in, climb a fence, then muck through a fair amount of knee deep bog to get into the water. I offered to carry both tubes, but Earl insisted he carry his own and was a little bent that I wouldn't let him carry mine. LOL. About half-way through the trip, a fresh-fallen tree completely blocked the river and we had to portage about 100 rough yards through some seriously nasty bog. It was no cakewalk for me, yet Earl had no more trouble than I did. Did I mention Earl is 80? I do what I do every day in hopes that 80 looks the same for me.

Incidentally, I gave myself a little pat on the back on this trip. We parked his vehicle a 1/2 mile from the put in and mine at the take out. Unfortunately I forgot my keys in his car. Sooooo, when I realized it as we were pulling the tubes out of the water, I took off for my keys which were at this point about a mile away (after convincing Earl I would be quicker at it than he would since he told me he had walked the same trip last week in a little over 20 minutes because he was fishing alone). I had my 5 Fingers on and was headed down a dirt road, and since walking takes way too long, I decided to run. I made the mile no sweat though I hadn't run in well over 6 months. Nice WTH effect, huh? :)

TODAY'S WORKOUT: I decided at the end of my 8 rep max week last week that I needed to repeat it. The pull ups were just not as solid as I would have liked them, and the push ups weren't even that good, and I didn't want to build on a less-than-perfect foundation. I got a couple of days into the second week of 8-rep-max last week before taking a break for other endeavors. So today I resumed my 8-rep-max 3-P's (pull ups, push ups, partial pistols) routine without feeling like I had lost anything.
I did 92 16kg snatches in 5 minutes before giving in to a callous that was about to rip which I canNOT afford right now.

WORKOUTS FROM TUESDAY TO SUNDAY?...You've got to wait a couple of days for those because they are a part of Why Do We Train, Part II

Overwhelmed

2010-04-26T09:54:00.002-05:00

Monday, April 26, 2010
170#

This post will be a little here and there, but here goes....
I earned my next "prize" by staying the course for the last 2 weeks. The end of the two weeks came Saturday and with it a splurge meal, with that a literal drugged feeling, my food hangover. It's taking me a while, but I am beginning to learn. Crappy food makes me feel like, well, crap.

Today I am feeling overwhelmed by life. It seems everything I do in turn leads to something else I must do and maintain and I'm freaking a little about it. My summer calendar looks like someone vomited multicolor ink all over it. ( I will reiterate, "HOW DO PARENTS DO IT?!") I haven't been able to keep in touch here, and it's killing me. Which leads me too...

I have picked up a couple more followers here lately. I am constantly humbled that people read what I have to say. Many thanks to all of you for coming here.

I made my hotel and flight reservations for CK-FMS last night. WOOHOOOOO!

Back to that overwhelmed thing...I know it doesn't sound like it, but I really am trying to pare life down some. Over the winter, I became really fond of those days when I had nothing to do but be at home. I found a peace that I had not felt in a long time, a sort of radiant happiness with life. Sometimes, on my stretches off from work I might not leave home at all. I'd get up, have a nice, long workout that wasn't pressured for time, play with the dogs, wander around the property, eat a little something, maybe do some cleaning, maybe complete a project, maybe do nothing. There was a time when this would have driven me apeshit, but not now. Now I relish these times. I wish I could describe it better, but these days like this are my recharge. Because the seas got blown out further south in Venice, I am enjoying one of those types of days now. I was supposed to be shark tooth diving today. As it is, I'll be cavern diving this afternoon and the next 2 days, then work, then cave class, then work, then--well, you get the picture.I'm trying to get a few more blank days on the calendar and keep them that way. The blank days are good for the soul.

Not only am I behind writing posts, but I am also behind reading them. I did a little catching up before writing this post and had an interesting observation in the process. While part of me enjoys reading Tracy Rif's blog, another part of me finds a great deal of anxiety there. My comparing myself to her is one of the major reasons I feel so inadequate as a girevoy. She is AMAZING, ripping that 16 around like it's nothing, maintaining a beautiful physique, cooking, cooking, cooking. In many ways this is inspiring, in others it is a banner telling me how pitiful I am. But something she wrote in a recent post really hit home to me today. She mentioned being fortunate enough to work out 4-6 hours every day. 4-6 HOURS! How wonderful! I can't even begin to imagine. She has mentioned that before, but for some reason it registered today. I am comparing apples and oranges.

WORKOUT: None today. It's an off day.

THE LAST 5 DAYS' WORKOUTS: Again, Pavel's fighter pull up routine. This week was 7RM with the pull ups and push ups, 5RM with the partial pistols.
I can feel things beginning to really wake up and figure out these motions. My lats continue to learn to fire better and with that, my elbows are tracking a stronger route, both in the pull up and the push up. I am also beginning to learn the sequence of tension from the ankles up, especially with regard to the pull-up. Generating full-body tension in the pull up has been difficult for me, but I am beginning to get it.
I am learning a lot in the pistol, too. Foot position has become huge for me. I have learned that a slight angle of the foot outward allows my great toe to line better with the rest of my leg, thus allowing my quad and ham to fire more productively.
Progress is coming in small increments, but I can feel it coming.

Pride

2010-04-13T05:24:00.002-05:00

Monday, April 12, 2010
169.5#

It's a funny thing, pride--one of those strangely dichotomous things that is at once a wonderful thing and a horrible one. One person's source of pride might seem ludicrous to another. Pride can motivate a person. After all, on some level, pride is part of why we bathe every day and wear clean clothes and brush our teeth and hair. We want to look at least remotely presentable. Taking pride in our appearance and our work ethic and our other good qualities helps us to be good, productive citizens. Pride in ourselves can motivate us to eat better, to be active, to continue to learn instead of becoming stagnant in our professions. It makes us stronger, smarter, faster, more graceful than we would be without it. Pride in our homes helps motivate us to keep them clean and tidy. Pride certainly is not always a bad thing.

I have realized, though, that pride has not always been a good thing, either. Granted, it has done all of the things mentioned above, but I think that in some ways it has hindered me as well. As strange as it might sound, sometimes we need to take a step back and objectively evaluate where we stand. We need to look at where we are, not where we want to be, and assess our strengths and weaknesses and address them honestly, not trying to be more than we are, no matter how desperately we might want more. For what seems like forever I have been struggling to do a pullup and a pistol. Some form of assisted or partial pullup or pistol has been a part of my workout for well over a year now. I have wanted so desperately to move closer to these goals that I have pushed myself to take bands away too early or perform a particular movement any way necessary to get a momentary sense that I am accomplishing something. Recently I started Pavel's Fighter Pullup Program. It uses a ladder program to increase reps and can be used, with bands, to bring one closer to a pullup if they can't yet accomplish one. It works by building on a person's three or five rep max. Before starting it, though, I had to honestly assess my three rep max and my five rep max. For once, I cast my pride aside, and although I felt like a total loser, I chose what in my eyes was the path of the physically weaker individual and started the program with one more assisting band than I really wanted to.

That was five days ago. Already I am humbled by my own stupidity. In those five short days I have finally managed to begin to feel the groove of the pullup. I've finally begun to feel the full-body tension I have been trying to learn to generate for the last 6 months. And I finally feel like I might actually be making progress.

Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

2010-04-05T23:13:00.003-05:00

Monday, April 5, 2010
171#

Pardon my absence last week. I've been in Tennessee visiting the family. I did stick to my plan as it was laid out, no added salt, no processed starches or sugars, BUT I guess I ate too much of what I did eat because although I had seriously hoped that Mom's dryer had slightly shrunk my clothes, the scale says different now that I am home. This morning I was back up to 171#. Honestly, I'm hoping that there are a few more factors involved with this. (SKIP AHEAD TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH HERE IF YOU'RE A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT GETTING TOO MUCH INFO). While my periods are slightly irregular, I should be about a week away from a cycle if I estimate based on the number of headaches I'm having, my moodiness, and my decreased strength in my workout today. Also, I'm just not as "regular" when I'm traveling, so I'm thinking a couple of days at home will "get things moving." Maybe I can contribute a couple of those extra pounds to those things and remove them fairly quickly.

I did manage to squeeze in 3 workouts while I was there. You'll see those below. Life was hectic last week--as it will be this week. I'm trying not to beat myself up for my lack of perfection.

MY NEXT GOAL: Now that I have hit that second goal of 2 weeks without added salt or processed starch or sugar, I have to move on to another. This time, if I make it 2 weeks with an average daily calorie intake of 1500, I'll buy the Hobo handbag I want. If not, Mr. Calleo gets his pick of book from Dragon Door.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
3 3-rung ladders of C&P with the 20kg. I had to do push-presses on all but the first rep of each rung. Between ladders I did 3 one-legged deadlifts on each side with the 20.
Last week when I did this workout, I did strict presses on the first two reps of each rung. I consistently see this sort of drop off in performance/strength the week before my period. I have been this way for a while and wonder if any other women have noticed the same thing.
I was supposed to do 5 minutes of snatches with the 16kg, but this got jacked up, so it was a wash.

Whatever, the workout sucked, but at least I got one in.

YESTERDAY NO WORKOUT: Last day with Mom and Dad then spent all night driving back to FL.
SATURDAY: 1000 16kg swings

FRIDAY: Squat-thrust with a jump/16kg swing pyramid
start with 20 STJ's and 10 swings, work down to 2 and up to 100

NO WORKOUTS TUESDAY THRU THURSDAY

MONDAY'S WORKOUT: Bodyweight workout with pushups and partial pistols because my brother didn't bring the bell over.
SUNDAY NO WORKOUT

SATURDAY NO WORKOUT: Traveling to Louisville.

Now for a little eye candy...

'Round We Go

2010-03-26T13:24:00.004-05:00

Friday, March 26, 2010
167.5#

WORKOUT:
Our 10 acres is about 1/2 a mile around the perimeter. I decided to do a circuit around it today. Here's what it looked like:
Double 20kg farmer's carry x 50 yards,
Swing 20kg x 50
Run a little more than 1/3 of the perimeter
5 Burpees
Run a little less than 1/3 of the perimeter
5 perfect pushups
Run about a 1/3 of the perimeter
2 12k windmills/side
Repeat

I did the first two rounds with the puppy then I walked it the third time with the fat sister, doing the stops.

On another note, I was getting my stuff ready to go back for a visit to TN and came across a rockin' awesome pair of jeans I bought a couple of years ago. I don't often buy clothes that I can't wear right that second, but I was only 5 pounds from perfect in them, and they were SERIOUSLY on sale and they were AWESOME. I figured the idea of being able to wear them would give me that last little push I needed to get down another 5 pounds. That was about the time I went to the RKC in October of '08 (I left for the RKC weighing 153#). I brought them out and decided to see if I could even get them on now. They come to mid thigh...and stop. So I believe I'll begin to use them to mark progress again...in hopes of being able to wear them to the meet and greet for the RKC in October of this year.

How to Measure Progress?

2010-03-25T20:22:00.002-05:00

Thursday, March 25, 2010
167.5#

Well, I ordered my custom Cons: purple with black and white skulls on the inside. I made it a week on "the plan." Step 1 down.
Step 2, no added salt (on top of the "no processed carbohydrates, no sugar" of last week...for 2 weeks. Today makes day 6 of that. I just almost blew it today. I was frustrated, hungry, and didn't feel good. The hubby offered to just go get pizza. And I LOOOOOOVE pizza. Technically I have one splurge meal allowed during that two weeks. Technically this could have been it. Practically, next week I'll be at my parents' house in TN, and Sunday is planned for a big family meal. Practically, there is no way I'll NOT be able to partake in all it has to offer. SO, I kept my promise to myself and stayed on the plan. Week 1 of 2 almost under my belt.
The scale hasn't really budged a whole lot, but I feel some trimming. I didn't measure, but my clothes are fitting some better. That counts. A little anyway.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
20kg C&P 3 3-rung ladders. Ladder 1 I had to do a push-press on the very last rep each side. Ladder 2, push-presses on the last 2 reps each side. Ladder 3, push-presses on the last rep each side rung 2 and the last 2 reps each side rung 3.

1-legged dead w/20kg 3/3 x 3

5 min of 16k snatches: 82

YESTERDAY: Was supposed to dive. Fell through. No workout.

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT: NO Workout

MONDAY'S WORKOUT:
Purple band-assisted pulup x 1 w/hold for 15 count
Perfect pushup x 5
...3 rounds
Partial Pistol 2/2 x 3
Knee-together squats w/3pulses 1/1 x 2
Knee-together squats x 3--x5
Piddled around for about 10 mins then did 5 min of 16k snatches and got 101

SUNDAY: NO Workout

SATURDAY: See Today's workout, but with more push presses and less snatches.

FRIDAY: no workout

THURSDAY'S WORKOUT: 20kg Swing/ Squat Thrust with jump Pyramid
starting with 20ST's and 5 swings and going down by 2/5 to 2ST's and 50swings--for time=32'30"

As you can see, I still have trouble fighting the urge to go heavy.

Glaringly Simple?

2010-03-18T03:40:00.005-05:00

Wednesday, March 17, 2010
168.5#
My mom is an amazing woman, one of my best friends. I speak to her on the phone almost daily, to see how her day as been, to tell her I love her, to run things that I've been thinking about past her. I'm not even sure what we were talking about the other day, but as often happens when she and I are talking, something about myself occurred to me. I have a hard time giving up on things. To a fault even. I have this bulldog way of latching onto something and not wanting to turn loose. I think part of me believes that if I just stick things out a little while longer, the problem will be solved and all will be well or I'll magically figure something out and be able to do it, or I'll break through a performance barrier or whatever. For whatever reason, I perpetually think that the light at the end of the tunnel is just around that next turn. Maybe it's whatever inkling of optimism I have left coming out. This quality has gotten me a long way in life and brought me many wonderful things. It has also held me back a few times. I realized today that now is one of those times.

That rut of which I spoke in recent posts is that tunnel through which I have been desperately seeking the light. My rut has been my goals: a pullup, a pistol, pressing the 20 for multiples, snatching the 20 for multiples, working more with the 20 in general, stronger, lighter, and so on and on. I have been fixated on these things for so long, programmed myself around these goals for so long, that I feel like my progress has almost completely stalled from their stand point. I have made progress. I know that. I am snatching the 20 better and easier. I am getting more reps in a 20kg TGU. I am doing more and better pushups (though doing 5 at a go still seems pitiful). I am not at a standstill. I am in a rut.

Time to shake things up.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
Purple band-assisted pullups to a flexed-arm hanging hold (15 count, 15 count, 12 count) x 1
Perfect pushups x 5
Rest ....3 rounds

Partial Pistol 2/2, 2/2, 2/2

knee together squat with 3pulses 1/1 x 2

knee together squats x 3....5 rounds

Was going to do 5 minutes of snatches but it started raining cats and dogs, so I did 3 rounds of black and purple band-assisted pullups for 5 then 4 then 4.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
I was supposed to do 12kg vo2 max, increasing my reps to 8/round for amap then back down to 7, for a complete 80 rounds, but I jacked up the timer and who knows what happened. I think I maintained the 8 reps for 40 rounds. Workout was about 35 minutes total,but who knows!

MONDAY: no workout

SUNDAY: 20KG c&p, 3 3-rung ladders, had to do push-presses all but the first press.
1leg dead w/16k 3/3

SATURDAY: NO WORKOUT

UGGG

2010-03-12T12:30:00.002-06:00

Friday, March 12, 2010
169#

I am working on re-working my workouts. I seem to be solidly stuck in a rut. One of those ruts is going heavy too frequently, I think. Today is a good example of why I do this so frequently; if I don't I feel like I haven't done enough work.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
Purple band assisted pullup with hold at top x 1
perfect pushup x 5
rest ...3 rounds

Partial pistol 2/2 x 3
knee together squat into pulse x 3 at bottom R/L x 3
knee together squats x 3..3 rounds

5 minutes of 16 kg snatches...I either got 72 or 84. I lost count a little.

Anyway, I just didn't feel like I did much work with this. I mean, I did get fatigued in terms of I only did 3 rounds because my form began to fail or something of that nature, and I couldn't get good reps from there, but jeez.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
Squat thrust w/a jump + 20kg swings, the pyramid for time starting at 20/5 and going down to 2/ 50. TL worked out with me (he did a different workout), and my time cut my over 9 minutes. I double checked my count, and I think the time was right. Amazing.

Randomness

2010-03-08T04:33:00.005-06:00

Sunday, March 7, 2010
169.5#

I have several random things floating around in my head, so rather than make them coalesce or elaborate on one while hoping to cover the others later, I'm just going to jump around and cover them all now.

One of the reasons I've not been posting as much is that I seem to be insanely busy on top of being a little out of the habit. Another is that I seem to be perseverating on negativity with regard to my training and nutrition, and I don't want to sound like a broken record. Part of me really wants someone else to write out my workouts, but another part of me is afraid to relinquish that control. LOL Then I think, "Well, YOU aren't getting YOURSELF where you want to be, so someone else can't do too much worse." So at that point my being a tightwad kicks in. :)

I keep having these random thoughts about how to get myself back on track nutritionally. I've known for a long time that my self control is limited to my being a teetotaller. If I never have the first one, I do okay, but as soon as I have ONE, I want the whole container. Tonight, though, I realized that where I wouldn't even consider going to the snack machine and buying a bag of candy, sometimes--once I get started--I'll eat way more than that just because it's there, because I let someone else's "feelings" come before my own. These little insights bring me just a small piece closer to being able to understand myself well enough to keep myself in control.

AS OF RIGHT NOW I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THE NEXT 168 HOURS WITHOUT BREAD OR PROCESSED SUGAR. That is one week. No bread. No processed sugar. Done.

It hit me tonight that my goal is 39.5# away. That's a lot. That sucks. 39. 5. Ugh. Better stick to the above-mentioned plan. CONSISTENCY. That's the biggest part of what I lack nutritionally. Now's the time to get it back--do the work, quit worrying about the outcome.

Hitting some PR's here and there. Snatching the 20kg for reps feels good--in that masochistic sort of way. Gotta get a new 20kg bell, though. The one I have isn't very good. 20kg TGU's today felt GREAT, sturdy in a new way.

Took the last week off from workouts. I worked 6 days in a row, was a collossal bitch regardless of work status, and just felt like it was time. Today was my first day back.

WORKOUT: 20kg TGU 1/1 x 4
Black and Purple band assisted pullups x 5
perfect pushups x 5
partial pistol 2/2
rest
x for 5 sets

5 min of 16kg snatches=80, gotta get this up significantly.

Little Sister begs attention from Big.

Feedback

2010-02-25T21:47:00.003-06:00

Thursday, February 25, 2010
169.5#

Here lately I have been dealing with what I think is some pyriformis syndrome on my right side. I think it is a result of my right leg dominance and its tendency to overpush the left leg. What started it was using the flutter kick while doing my cave diving training. The chiropractor had straightened it out, but I've exacerbated it again. I'm pretty sure one of the bases for the aggravation was my tendency to overpush with my right leg in the swing and snatch. If I don't pay very good attention when I do these exercises, my hips will hitch slightly back to the left at the bottom of the swing instead of hitching back to center.

One of the things that I have been trying in an effort to overcome this tendency is practicing my swings and snatches with my eyes closed. It is allowing me to take the focus off where I'm looking and off what my head is doing and focus more on how things are feeling, where my hips are, how my body is lining up. Part of why this works is it takes away the proprioceptive (where in space the different parts of my body are) feedback of the eyes and forces me to use the proprioceptive feedback from my joints. In a sense, I am feeling my joints better because I am depending on their information since I no longer have the info coming from my eyes. I feel the groove of the motion better, the placement of my traps and shoulders, the tightness of my lats, the snap of my hips, the drawing up of my quads and hams. I'm liking this addition to my practice.

TODAY'S WORKOUT: 12kg VO2Max 80 sets of 7

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: 5 sets of back and purple pullups x 5, 5 perfect pushups, partial pistols x 2.
5 min of 16kg snatches

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT: 650 20kg swings in 33'

MONDAY NO WORKOUT

SUNDAY'S WORKOUT: 5 rounds of 20kg C&P 2/2 (last rep each side a push press),Perfect pushup x 3, box jumps, rest
20kg snatch5r/3l, 3r/1l (not as many as last time b/c I just wasn't feeling it)
Squat thrust with a jump 30 in 3'5"

Turning the Mirror

2010-02-16T04:58:00.003-06:00

Monday, February 15, 2010

Initially I was going to write yet another post bitching about my patients. Tonight seemed to be a night filled with people who care no more about themselves than to smoke 2 packs a day, maintain a BMI over 60, ignore their doctors' recommendations and live life off the government wallowing in their disability but who then expect me to give two shits about them when they show up in the ED. Wait a minute, you have no self-respect but you expect me to respect you? Yeah, that was how the tirade was going to start. In the midst of my griping, one of my well-meaning comrades placed not only peanut M&M's but also Dove caramels under my nose and left them there! And after fighting with myself not to eat even one (which would then turn into the whole bag), for some odd reason, the mirror that I had so desperately wanted to hold directly in the face of the idiots I was taking care of abrubtly turned 180 degrees and shined its light on me.

More often than not I do SO much better with some sort of external motivator--a personal trainer, a friendly contest with a pal, some sort of accountability. For whatever reason, it seems to help to know that someone else gives two shits about whether or not I eat that bag of M&M's (the party bag, not the individual or even king sized). It's hard, though, to find that external motivator, that person who will compete and hold me to it or harrass the hell out of me regularly to keep me in line. And suddenly it clicked...Why should they? If I have no more respect for myself or no more ingrained desire to do the right thing, why should they? Certainly I have more stake in it than they do. So I've made it through the night with narry an M&M or Dove candy, and today has been my best all week with regard to nutrition. Now I just have to keep looking in that mirror.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
This was the first time with a new workout and it wasn't ideal. I didn't get to tweak it quite like I would have liked since I was greeting new arrivals to our place and chasing bulldogs and puppies and certain golden retrievers.

5 sets of: 20Kg C&P 2/2, Perfect pushup x 2--the last rep of C&P on each side was a slight pushpress. I'll up the pushups here and start a ladder structure as I'm able to manage the press reps without a pushpress.

20kg Snatch: 5r/4l, 5r/5l, 5r/5l, 5r/5l, 4r/4l--these felt much stronger than the last time I did them.

30 squat thrusts with a jump in 3min 28sec.

YESTERDAY NO WORKOUT

Temptations

2010-02-13T01:23:00.002-06:00

Friday, February 12, 2010

Sometimes, no matter how intelligent we are, we are tempted by the shortcuts...okay I am tempted by the shortcuts. Here lately I am finding consistency with my nutrition difficult, and one of the guys at work spent the last 10 weeks or so on the Optifast diet. Yep, he went all the way through the holidays drinking only Optifast shakes--and lost 40 pounds in the process. Forty. Frikkin'. Pounds. Granted, a fair amount of it was muscle since he did NO working out during that time, but 40 frikkin' pounds! 35...Can I please just have 35?...the right way?....the wrong way? SOME way? Okay, so you've talked me out of it...
...but...
....okay, no more titty-baby. :(

TODAY'S WORKOUT: 12kg VO2 Max--80 sets, mostly of 7 reps. I was struggling with the puppy on some of them and only got 6 reps.

YESTERDAY: Valentine's Date, no workout.

WEDNESDAY NO WORKOUT.

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT: Double 16kg C&P x 3, double 16kg squat x 2, double 20kg deads x 5, rest 1 min, c&P 20kg 2/2, goblet squat x 3, double 20kg dead x 5, rest 1 min---for 4 sets.
rest
black and purple band assisted band pullups x 2, perfect pushups x 2 for 5 sets

MONDAY'S WORKOUT: 20KG TGU 1/1 X 3
REST black and purple band assisted pullups x 3, perfect pushups x 3, partial pistol 2/2--x 5
rest
16kg snatch 5/5, 5/5,4/4,4/4, 3/3, 3/3, 2/2, 4/4
rest 20kg TGU x 1/1

Zombies

2010-02-07T21:11:00.005-06:00

We often go through our days on automatic, not taking the time to think about what we're doing. For those of us who read each others' fitness blogs, part of that day is getting in a workout. Many days we just get out there and do it, some of us following a plan laid out days or weeks ago, others just getting out there and playing. At some point, though, almost all of us stand back for a moment and examine why. Occasionally we even get a little reminder of why we get out there regardless of heat, cold, rain, or other discomfort. A dear friend of mine recently got one of those reminders when out of the blue he was called upon to sprint, lift, and otherwise demonstrate his prowess in what for the stranger he was helping may very well have been a life-or-death situation. He likes to say (maybe only half jokingly?) that he trains for when the zombies come. He met his zombie the other night, and he won. He's started me thinking about my zombies and how well I'd measure up. Hmmmm. How about you?

TODAY'S WORKOUT: 550 20kg Swings in a little over 28 minutes.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
4 sets of
Double 16kg C&P x 3, Squat x 2, double 20kg dead x 3, rest 1 min, 20kg c&P x 2/2, Goblet squat x 3, double 20kg dead x 3, rest 1 min.
rest
5 sets of black and purple band assisted pullups x 2, perfect pushup x 2, rest 1 min.

FRIDAY'S WORKOUT: 1000 16kg swings in a little over 52 min

THURSDAY NO WORKOUT

TODAY'S EYE CANDY

An updated picture of the puppy. Check out those Gremlin ears! They are totally awesome.

What Percentage Frowns?

2010-02-01T01:29:00.005-06:00

Sunday, January 31, 2010
168.5#

The hubby and I made a short trip to Wal-Mart the other night, not something we do very often. We purposely avoid Wal-Mart (probably not a subject you want to get me started on) as much as we can, but sometimes living in a small town limits our options for acquiring specific goods and we are left with no option. Certainly, both of us going to Wal-Mart at the same time is virtually unheard of, so when we found ourselves together there the other night, we had an opportunity for some interesting conversation.

For an interesting anthropological experience, go to a Wal-Mart during a busy time and count the number of smiles you see on faces and the number of frowns you see. Though I've noticed that more people frown than smile pretty much everywhere (interestingly enough even in amusement parks), the percentage of frowns at Wal-Mart that night was staggering.

As we were getting what we needed, I felt the weight of worry and unhappiness beginning to settle on me just from being around these people. They were down-trodden, weary, miserable people. They argued amongst their groups. They ambled aimlessly through the store as if they had nothing better to do. Initially I smiled in greeting as I came up to people, but after the umpteenth "WTF?" look I got, I gave that up. I looked at the hubby and said, " I'm pretty sure the happiness could get sucked right out of us if we stayed here too long." He agreed. For an hour or so after we left, we talked about how surrounding oneself with misery invites misery. Part of fitness is happiness, and part of being happy is making a conscious effort toward being happy. We can choose to go to places and do things that feed our good spirit, or we can go places and do things and be around people who require sustained effort to be happy around, who virtually suck the happiness right out of us. I am coming to realize that choosing the happy places is not only okay but necessary. Fitness not only comes with good nutrition and exercise but also with the sunshine of happy faces and the comfort of pleasant surroundings to feed our souls.

Feeding our souls at home is our new addition to the family, Luna, our German Shepherd Puppy. She is ten weeks old, and we brought her home last Wednesday.

Big sister is NOT convinced that she is a "happy" addition. LOL
TODAY'S WORKOUT:

3 rounds of:

double 16kg c&P x 3, squat x 2, double 20kg deadlift x 3, rest 1 min

20kg C&P 1/1 x 2, Goblet squat x 3, rest 1 min

5 rounds of:

Black and purple band assisted pullups x 2, perfect pullup x 2

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:

5 Rounds of assisted pullups x 3, pushups x 3

10 12kg tgu, alternating sides.

FRIDAY: 550 20Kg swings in ~31min

TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY NO WORKOUT (Brought Luna home Wednesday).

Passion

2010-01-24T15:12:00.005-06:00

Sunday, January 24, 2010
169.5#

Lately I have been thinking a lot about passion. As I was eating dinner before work the other night, it occurred to me, like a light clicking on, that passion about each and every meal is not a necessity. For many, that may seem incredibly elementary, but for a recovering chubling, that is an important concept. For someone who has spent her whole life looking forward to her next meal, planning it, relishing it, the idea that I do not have to be excited about it hit me like a ton of bricks. Sure, I've spent significant periods of time not eating things I was excited about. On some level, I even understood that I was fueling my body rather than my psyche. Somehow, though, I internalized this concept differently the other day. It was literally a "well, I'll be darned" moment. Food, fuel for the the body is necessary, but there is no requirement for it to be emotionally fulfilling. That I somehow feel robbed when I eat a meal that doesn't fulfill my need to be given pleasure by my food is one of the reasons I find myself having difficulty finding and maintaining my ideal weight. When this idea truly hit home to me the other day, I literally felt a light come on in my brain. Certainly, occasionally having food that moves us is nice, and I would even say that--occasionally-- is important, but it is not necessary and certainly not necessary at every meal.
I'll be darned.

Now, for your viewing pleasure...
We were visited by a gopher turtle the other day. Abbie has met several new critters since our move--a coyote, a 7' garden snake, and now a gopher turtle. She was most curious about the turtle for some reason. It, however, was not curious about her. I almost fell over laughing when it hissed at her and she jumped.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
20kg TGU 1/1 x 3
Rest
In 11'19" 5 rounds of:
Purple and black band assisted pullups x 3
perfect pushups x 3
partial pistols 1/1 x 2
Rest
16kg snatches 5/5,5/5,4/4,4/4,3/3,3/3,2/2,2/2,2/2
rest 16kg tgu 1/1 x 2

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
12kg VO2 max: 80 sets of 7

FRIDAY NO WORKOUT

THURSDAY'S WORKOUT:
Double 16kg C&P x 3
Double 16kg Squat x 2
Rest 1 min
20kg C&P 1/1 x 2
20kg Goblet squat x 3
Rest 1 min
----3 sets
Black & Purple band-assisted pullups x 2
Perfect pushups x 2
Rest 1 min
----5 sets

WEDNESDAY NO WORKOUT

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT:
See today's workout, but I forgot to start with the 20kg TGU.

MONDAY'S WORKOUT:
1000 16kg Swings in 53'23"

SUNDAY NO WORKOUT

Nutrition and Mood and Sleepiness

2010-01-14T01:08:00.005-06:00

January 13, 2010
170.5#--39% BF according to my scale with an electrical impedence bf calculator

Chris J. asked in the comments of my last post what my body fat (bf) percentage is and why I don't tend to post it as well. Mostly, I tend to avoid measuring it with that feature on my scale because it makes me feel more like a lardass. I mean really, I'm almost half lard. Jeez. Also because part of me just wants to believe it's just so inaccurate as to be criminal and worthless anyway. BUT, I posted it.

One of the things that I noticed on my bender was how bad the crappy food made me feel. Granted, from an emotional standpoint, determining which was the chicken and which was the egg with regard to depression as a cause or a result of carbohydrate intake is difficult. Honestly, I think my mood contributed to my eating poorly which then contributed to my poor mood, and thus the cycle was born, and I didn't have the wherewithall to interrupt it at that time. As I was wallowing in my self-pity, though, I didn't lose all of my self-reflective nature, and I began to feel that link again to what I was eating and how I was feeling. Within about 45-90 minutes after a meal or snack that was primarily carbohydrates, I would get painfully sleepy and melancholy. After a night of nibbling all night long on the sweets brought to work for the holidays, driving the 20 miles home was like torture. At one point, I had ALL the windows down in 40 degree weather singing at the top of my lungs trying not to fall asleep. When I eat right, I have no trouble at all getting home in the mornings. I ached all over and generally felt like doody. After recognizing this correlation, I wondered how long I would have to eat well again before I felt the return to more-or-less normal. Turns out it's not long. Within only a couple of days I had begun to notice a difference, and now I'm feeling much better. So I'm trying not to obsess too much over the weight being up and not wanting to budge back down but instead focus on how much better I feel.

More pics from the visit...

WORKOUT:

I got up late today and only got a short workout in, but I opted for that instead of no wait at all.

Double 16kg C&P x 3

Double 16kg squat x 2

Rest 1 min

20kg C&P 1/1x2

20kg Goblet squat x 3

Rest 1 min

3 total rounds

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:

Only got a few rounds of greasing the groove with assisted pullups and pushups

MONDAY'S WORKOUT:

16kg swings 900 (920?) in 43'12"

2010-01-10T02:00:00.003-06:00

Saturday, January 9, 2010
170#

I have thought of at least four or five things to write about tonight, but I'll stick to talking about that "170#" in the top left corner.

I sort of went off the edge a bit the last couple of months, finding myself struggling to keep my head above water emotionally. Finding a peaceful place in my life has been my foremost priority. and as such, my focus on some other things has fallen somewhat by the wayside. One of the things that fell by the wayside was my focus on nutrition. While I tried not to hoover every last thing in my path, I did eat way too much, and way too much of the wrong stuff, lots of sweets. And as a part of a deal with a friend, I chose not to weigh myself for the weeks between Thanksgiving and the new year, so I had no idea what effect this glutinous debauchery was having on my weight.When I finally did weigh a couple of days ago, I had gained six or seven pounds. All-in-all I can't say I'm disappointed. I really went way over the top with my eating.

Now, though, since the holidays (really a tortuous time for me) are over, I've had some time with my sweetheart cuddled up and enjoying our new home, and I've finally found some peace, my nutrition feels good again. I'm cooking most of our meals now, loving my new kitchen, and finding myself planning ahead--something I've not been capable of the last couple of months. Maybe that weight will come down more quickly than it has in the past...maybe. I'm actually hoping that the time off the stricter diet, at a higher weight, will help kickstart some further weight loss.

Here are some pics from our holiday visit with some of our chosen family. These are our Godchildren and their parents.

Note Lily's Titans dress. We were watching football.

Mary and Josh are amazingly wonderful parents. Here is a prime example of how they spend time with the kids.

Abbiebear was none too happy at the stinky baby house.

Intently watching football together, a special treat for these two.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
825 16kg swings in 39'37"
80 swings to begin, 25 sets of 10R/10L, 12 sets of 5L/5R/5L/5R, 5 to top it off
16kg TGU 1/1 x 2 to stretch things out at the end.

YESTERDAY NO WORKOUT

No, I Didn't Drop Off the Face of the Earth

2010-01-08T03:46:00.002-06:00

January 8, 2010

For now, I have no profound thoughts to offer, but I'm back and finding my groove again. I have three solid days of eating well under my belt, a workout plan in mind, and a goal to work toward. Life is beginning to feel under control again.

I do have some pictures to share. A couple of friends provided a small challenge, and being one not to back down from a challenge, here we are. The three of us were to take pictures involving fire, post results on Facebook, and see whose turned out best. Here are some self-portraits.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
Double 16kg C&P x 5
Rest 1 min
20kg C&P 1/1x2
20kg Goblet squat x 3
Rest 1 min

Double 16kg C&P x 3, Squat x 2
Rest 1 min
20kg C&P 1/1x2, Goblet squat x 3
Rest 1 min
Repeat x 2 (Next week this will be repeated for all 3 rounds.)

Rest 5 min

Black and purple band assisted pullups x 2
Pushups x 3
Rest 1 min
Repeat for total of 5

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
750 16kg swings in a little over 47 min

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT: 20kg TGU 1/1 x 2
Purple and black band assisted pullups x 2
perfect pushups x 3
partial pistol 1/1 x 2
x 5

rest 3 min

16kg snatch 5/5 x 2, 4/4 x 2, 3/3 x 2, 2/2 x 2, 1/1 x 2
Rest 3 min

16kg TGU 2/2
Stretching

Awake

2009-12-13T04:51:00.003-06:00

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Though posting in the middle of the night or early in the morning isn't too unusual for me, this morning is a bit of an exception because I was off on Saturday night/this morning. I actually woke up a couple of hours ago feeling pretty crummy, sporting a migraine. I've actually had a headache in some form most days here lately. I've also noticed a lot of muscle soreness and joint pain, even lots of "popping" here and there. Though I am accustomed to the regular ache and pain of a joint here or there, this has been more persistent and weird somehow. I have tight muscles and creaks and crackles where I am unaccustomed to them and have for weeks now. This comes despite my having added some Z-health and range of motion to what I do. I have been meticulous about form to make sure that isn't the issue. And I have rolled it over and over in my mind. Two things stick out...I am not hydrating as well as usual. During this move, it's just slipped by the wayside. AND...my nutrition has been pretty crappy. WAY more processed carbohydrates than I am accustomed to....HMMMM. Interesting. Will update when I adjust the nutrition. Any thoughts from anyone else?

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
AMAP sets of 5 double 16k squats/double 16kg C&P/green and black band assisted pullups in 12 minutes=3
AMAP sets of 5 double 16k high pull/5 hanging leg raises in 5 min in 12 min=7
All but the squats and high pulls felt particularly strong today. I was generating pretty good tension in the c&p and was very happy with that.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
AMAP set of 1/1 12k TGU in 15 min=20, focusing on form, especially a good high hip bridge.
AMAP sets of 20 16kg swings in 12 min, I think this was 13.
I had forgotten how much nicer it is to do TGU's inside on level flooring. :)

Do-Overs

2009-12-09T04:24:00.002-06:00

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Life decisions have this way of causing me undue stress. I labor over them. I write lists of pros and cons. I drive my friends crazy talking the decision over and over as I try to decide what would be best. I talk to my hubby. I talk to my dad. I talk to my mom. I talk to my siblings. I am alternately sullen and annoyingly talkative about the subject. Generally, I am obnoxious. I think I get this way because I feel like each life decision sets in motion a series of events that have potential to put life on an unalterable course. And that inability to alter the course is what scares me. At times, the fear can be paralyzing, keeping me from making a decision and moving forward.

To some degree, I even have this difficulty with workout and nutrition plans. I tend to be afraid of losing strength or making gains or losses in the wrong places. Over the last week, I've thought a lot about this paralytic fear of decision making that I have, and I've realized that life is actually full of do-overs. Just because I took a right turn a mile back, doesn't mean I won't have another fork in the road later on. I might lose some strength here, or gain a few pounds there, but in the process, if I keep my eyes open and my ear to the ground, I will learn. With that knowledge, then, I can make a better decision next time. To learn, though, I have to keep moving forward. There's only so much knowledge to pick up here.

TODAY'S WORKOUT: VO2 max: 12k. first 44 sets, 7 reps, then 6 reps on the remainder of 80. For 4 random sets my timing was off and I only got 5. This is a direct result of 2 things...piss-poor fuel lately, especially yesterday, and where I am in my hormone cycle. I've noticed a serious dip in strength and endurance about 7-10 days before my period that usually lasts about a week. (Sorry, fellas, but I thought the girls might find this an interesting observation.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: This was intended to be about twice as long, but I had "bidness" to take care of and it ate up my time before work. I started to ditch the workout all together, but thought better of it.
15 min of AMAP rounds of 5 (green and black band assisted)pullups/4 perfect pushups=8, same as last week but didn't feel nearly as strong as last week's did.

SUNDAY: OFF

Stressors

2009-11-30T04:06:00.002-06:00

Sunday, November 29, 2009
weight unknown (see more later)

In medical school psychiatric training we discovered an interesting fact about stressors. Not only are bad things considered stressors, but so are good things. For instance, when assigning points to stressors to "score" a patient, getting married ranks fairly similarly to getting a divorce or death of a loved one (no snide remarks here, folks). It's been a while, and I don't use this scoring system now, so I can't give you exact numbers on the scale, but I remember their close proximity on it because it fascinated me. If you think about it, this makes sense. Good events are, well, good, but they do cause a fair amount of change and effort on an individual's part. Even with good things come some anxiety. And we all respond a little differently to our stressors.

I. am. a. stress. eater. Big surprise, I know, but it's true. Life is one stressor after another, and with any luck the good ones balance the bad. Sometimes, though, even the usual stress load tips in the direction of overwhelming, and something has to give somewhere. The last couple of months have seemed to tip that load, both with good and with less-than-good things. On the tail end of Mom and Dad's visit, and my partial regression to childhood eating habits then, my response to the stress has been less than ideal. My nutrition has been poor. My focus on my workouts has been lacking, and I find myself feeling a bit too snug in my clothes. I also find myself wondering why I couldn't be one of those people whose response to stress is lack of appetite.

Today has been the first day in weeks that I haven't broken down and binged on something or had way too many processed carbohydrates. I still have 3 hours before bed, but I'll count that as a victory.

Soar With Eagles or Roost With Turkeys

2009-11-17T03:21:00.003-06:00

Monday, November 16, 2009
167.5#

A recurrent theme of conversation in our household of late has been the importance of keeping good company. I suspect most of us have heard of the concept of "playing" someone better to become better. That is to say, competing against a more skilled opponent. Business moguls apply this to business theory. Academics apply it to advanced thought. We, at home, have been applying it to friendships. True to form, I have been thinking about it in terms of how it applies to every aspect of my life.
To some degree, we are a collection of the people with whom we have come into contact throughout our lives.We learn from them, draw from them, absorb them, in ways that are often completely unconscious. Obviously, the more we are around someone, the more we absorb from them. One would think we incorporate little from strangers we only briefly encounter, but sometimes this assumption does not hold true. After living in the socially toxic culture that is Memphis, I was much less tolerant of the "little things." I was impatient and critical because that was the attitude I had learned to "throw back" at the total strangers who could interact on no other level. I have learned to grow past that point in my life, but I see now that I am a collection of the people I love. I know who gave me my love of the outdoors, who showed me that exercise could be playtime for adults, who taught me generosity and compassion, who emphasized attention to detail, and I carry a piece of them and all the others who have influenced me with me everywhere I go.
Realizing this fact, though, I had to examine the full nature of what I might be absorbing from the ones I choose to make a part of my life. With this has come some harsh reality. I have been examining my life on a much deeper level, looking through this particular "lens," and what I see has surprised me a bit. I am trying to adjust accordingly, and at times this can be exhausting.

WORKOUT:
As many as possible sets of 12kg snatches 12 right/12 left in 15 minutes...Today this was 9
rest 3 min
As many as possible sets of purple and black band assisted pullups alternated with 4 perfect pushups in 15 minutes. The pullups were supposed to be 5, but I couldn't get 5 good ones, so I went down to 4 then realized I needed to go down to 3. got 7 sets total.

Workshops, Workshops, Workshops!

2009-11-09T02:59:00.001-06:00

Sunday, November 8, 2009
169# (Yes, I have eaten everything that wasn't nailed down.)

Hardstyle Ventura

Though I knew it had been a while since I checked in, I was astounded when I pulled up my blog and realized 3 weeks had passed since my last post. Good grief, life flies by! My last post addressed the then-upcoming Hardstyle Ventura workshop on October 24th. That post was optimistic, but unfortunately, falsely so. My personal battle with performance anxiety again became an issue as I was firmly STUCK at the very bottom of a pullup--a dead hang. I was going exactly NO WHERE the whole day of the workshop. If I were a man, I'm quite certain I would never have sex because undoubtedly I would have the world's worse case of erectile dysfunction. I mean, REALLY! I was supremely frustrated and disappointed. I think this frustration and my not wanting to face it are most of why it has taken me 3 weeks to address the workshop on the blog. With time, though, I have come to grips with the positive aspects of the weekend including coming away with some solid information, finally meeting some longtime internet friends (Joey Williams and Nikki Shlosser) face-to-face, seeing old friends, and making new ones. In many ways too, I am proud of not backing down despite my frustrations. Most of the people there could already do a pistol and at least one solid pull up. Many could do multiples without batting an eyelash. They were there to refine. Being there was easy for them. I, however, had to fight the embarrassment of being the lowest man on the totem pole, the remedial student. I am not accustomed to that position. Despite my discomfort, however, I stuck it out. I made sure to be the first to the bar, the first back to the learning circle, the first to try. Of that, I am proud.
Then I went out and got drunk to completely squash my insecurities. Nikki joined me:)

On Saturday I hosted Senior RKC Sara Cheatham for a one day workshop on kettlebells and Z-health. We covered a metric buttload of information, and I tried to do my best sponge interpretation. This gal knows her stuff and knows how to convey that knowledge to others. If you ever get a chance to go to her workshop, take it no questions asked.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:

5 Rounds of:

Black and Purple band assisted pullup to a hold with slow negative

5 perfect push ups

partial pistol 1/1

rest 1 min

20kg TGU 1/1 x 2

16kg Tabata snatches

30 burpees in 4'39"

Small Epiphany

2009-10-19T05:26:00.003-05:00

Monday, October 19, 2009

165#

I think that sometimes we cruise along oblivious to change. Sometimes that change is around us. Sometimes it is within us. Perhaps we are too busy evaluating other areas of our lives, scrutinizing them, trying to change them, that we miss important changes in other areas, changes that are really right under our noses.

In a lot of ways I have been a small bit of an emotional basketcase lately--for no reason at all really, except that estrogen is a bitch. As always, at least a piece of this dissatisfaction manifested itself in a frustration with how I look. A few days ago, though, I tried the pullup with only the black (~10-15#) band for assistance and darn near got my chest to the bar (My chin was there for sure)...almost got a full pullup with only that little bit of assistance, so I was dancing around, playing with my workout buddy, and generally being a fool when I started thinking about the workshop this weekend and how maybe, just maybe, with a little tweak in form I could do a full pullup this weekend (!). I have been quite excited, actually, about the possibilities this weekend holds for me both during the weekend itself and later as I apply the principles I hope to learn and come closer to mastering. As I was thinking about the almost pull up and the possibilities of the weekend, it hit me, that teeny epiphany, that small glimmer of personal insight. My journey has changed its course. In the beginning of the journey, I desperately wanted the aesthetic benefits. They were the focus of thought and planning while other, more performance-oriented goals, were secondary benefits I knew would come. I have by no means reached my aesthetic goals. On the contrary, I find my being so far from them a constant source of frustration. But...I find myself more concerned with losing the 25 or 30 extra pounds I need to lose more because doing so will most definitely make pull ups easier. Heck, if I were currently that light I'd be doing pull-ups! I find myself thinking more about the day I can do multiple pistols and pull ups and push ups at will than the day I look rockin' awesome in a bikini. Maybe that is more because right now the pull ups and pistols seem more attainable, but I like to think it's because in some small part, I have changed and come to see that function is way more fun than form.

TODAY'S WORKOUT: 5 5-rung ladders of black and purple-band assisted pull ups and perfect elevated pushups.

Between rungs:

1st ladder-knee together squats with one-legged pulses at the bottom.

2nd ladder-partial pistols 1/1

3rd ladder-plank x 30 sec

4th ladder-knee together squats, laddered reps

5th ladder- 4 burpees

Finished with 16 burpees.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: 75 Burpees, 5 min of 16kg snatches (80).

SATURDAY: No workout

FRIDAY'S WORKOUT: 5 rounds of

20kg press 2/2 Double 16kg press x 2

I'm getting 2 strict 20kg presses on the left for 3 rounds usually, then having to go to a push-press for one of the presses. On the right, I can do two strict presses for 1-3 rounds. I'm still not back to where I was with this before the pneumonia, but I'm getting there.

20kg Goblet squat x 5

Perfect pushup x 3

double 16kg OL Dead 3/3

High Plank x 30 sec

Burpee x 5

After the 5 rounds, I did 8 burpees to get my challenge numbers for the day then did 20kg Tabata swings.

THURSDAY'S WORKOUT: See today's workout, but add 45 burpees to the end.

WEDNESDAY: No workout.

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT: See Friday's workout, add 5 burpees at the end of the 5 rounds, and add 2 12kg TGu per side to the end.

Heart Attack Grill

2009-10-12T02:27:00.007-05:00

Sunday, October 11, 2009

http://www.heartattackgrill.com/media.html

Maybe some of you have come across this place before now, but my first exposure to the Heart Attack Grill (see link above), was tonight at work when I walked by the television playing the Travel Channel as I was going to the restroom. At first I couldn't figure out what they were talking about but I hung around until I did. Burgers were smothered in cheese and mayonnaise. Instead of a salad bar, they have a french fry bar on which the fries are cooked in lard. People over 350 pounds eat free--every day. I was fairly taken aback, honestly, but then I applauded the owner for his originality. His was a marketing strategy to do what he can to make a buck. I get it, and "it" is brilliant. As they interviewed the patrons, however, I was disheartened. As one would expect, they were all corpulent, but they were also deluded and complacent, often stating in their brief interviews that they were glad they were already on cholesterol medicine.

I wonder, though, if these restaurant patrons even remotely begin to understand that even one meal like this has an immediate effect on their system. We tend to think of things like our nutritional intake in the cumulative, and ultimately, that is the most important thing. I, like most active and health-oriented people, believe in the mental health behind an occasional "cheat day" or "cheat meal." Complete glutinous debauchery like this, however, can have immediate ramifications. Within minutes of completing a high fat meal like this, our body is bombarded with its contents and is forced to deal with them. For some, the result is fat-laden blood like this (you might remember this pic from last year on my blog):

The blood on the right is what blood is supposed to look like after it's gone through the centrifuge. The blood on the left is the blood of a woman who had, in the last few hours, had a high fat meal. That stuff that looks like a cream layer on the top?...it's, well, a cream layer, a layer of fat on her blood, fat that was dispersed in the blood before the centrifuge.

How well do you think that blood functions? How smoothly do you think it flows through the tiny vessels of your heart, brain, kidneys, feet, and eyes? It functions so poorly in so many ways, in fact, that research is showing that the hours following a meal like one at the Heart Attack Grill actually show an increase in heart attacks (http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0813/is_n4_v21/ai_15224643/).

Please don't misunderstand me. I appreciate capitalism and originality. I think the fellow who came up with this concept is absolutely brilliant, and I wouldn't picket or protest his business. Heck, I might even visit it on a cheat day. :) I wish, though, that ours was a world where a concept like this would wither and die for lack of business while the parking lot in front became the town's rowdiest tire-flipping, kettlebell swinging, rope flinging gathering place of people.

TODAY'S WORKOUT WAS A SHORT ONE: 6 minutes of 16kg snatches, 30 burpees.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: See the press/squat/push up/dead/plank/burpee workout above...BUT I got 3 (count them...THREE rounds of 2/2 strict presses with the 20kg!). I had to add some burpees to total correctly for the burpee challenge, too.

Proud To Be An RKC--A Year Later

2009-10-06T05:51:00.006-05:00

Monday, October 5, 2009

163.5#

Though some people likely do not understand, being an RKC brings me as much pride as any other intellectual or physical achievement in my life. In many ways, I am more proud to be associated with the RKC than I am to be associated with other M.D.'s. This goes far beyond the physique most often seen on an RKC, but speaks more to the character that most of them have. RKC's are, as a rule, quality people on multiple levels who just happen to look awesome when scantily clad. So this weekend as I was posting flyers thru the gyms in Gainesville, I found myself feeling self-conscious. I was fixated on my flaws, preoccupied with wishing that the muscles in my arms were showing more, wishing my belly were less round. It's been a long time since I was embarassed to be me, but I blushed and ducked my head as I shook the hand of a very nice trainer at a boutique gym in Gainesville. All I could think about was how I wish I could represent the RKC better. I am 36 years old. I am a physician. I have a happy marriage, and I live life by my own rules (albeit with the occasional bit of guilt). By many standards, I am a very successful woman. I think it speaks pretty highly of an organization of people when I want so desparately to represent them well. (Now that I've reread this, it sounds a bit arrogant. I think you guys know what I mean, though.) I've thought a lot about this the last few days. To my fellow RKC's, I am still humbled to be in your midst.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:

5 rounds of:

20kg C&P/PP x 2/2, double 16kg C&Px2

I actually got 2 strict presses per side in 2 different rounds.(WOOHOO!).In the other rounds I got one strict press per side and one push press.

5 20kg goblet squats

3 perfect pushups

double 16kg one-legged deads x 3/3

high plank x 30sec

5 burpees

Rest 2 min

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: 12kg VO2 Max Protocol. First 40 sets, 7 reps, Next 8 sets, 6 reps, 5 for the remainder of the 80 reps. (I'm thinking I need to reset my pace for this workout and work back up.)

43 burpees

SUNDAY: NO WORKOUT

Now for a little eye candy. ('Cuz everything's better with pictures, right?)...

I never thought Florida would have such wonderful wildflowers, but it does. I missed getting pics of the ones in the spring, so I wanted to make sure I got a few of the sweetpeas when I saw them this fall. They are FANTABULOUS! I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. I took these about 200 yards down the road from my driveway.

The Y Factor

2009-09-29T04:35:00.006-05:00

Monday 9.28.09

I suspect you've heard of "the X factor." In TV circles it is a British talent show. In my world, it is what I call that unexpected factor that threatens to derail well-laid nutritional plans--temptations at work, an unexpected celebratory dinner, unusual stressors. I suspect you know exactly what I mean. The X factor is a post unto itself.

This post, however, is about what I call my "Y factor," another term for how my mom and dad factor into my diet. Somehow around them I revert to the chubby little 13-year-old, ready to gobble up every morsel of food in sight. They offer, and I find my ability to politely decline completely absent. Part of this is a conscious decision on my part. I have made a deal with myself. My mom is 78-years-old; my dad is 73. No matter how badly I want time to stand still, they will not be a part of my life forever. One day, my mom's dinners and my dad's breakfast will be a savored memory, a dream that is the gift of peaceful sleep. There will be no more of Mom's cornbread, pecan pie or chocolate pie, no more of Dad's omelets and bacon. Sharing a meal with them will not be possible. So with them, I let things slide. I take every chance to eat their cooking, enjoy every bite eaten at the table with them. But then there are liberties I shouldn't take... Mom is as much of a sugar freak as I am, and I allow her to enable me a little much. Dad is a snacker, and I join in a bit too frequently. This is my Y factor.

For the last 26 days, I have been tussling with my Y factor. I don't regret it. I never really thought Mom and Dad would come see me, much less stay 26 days. I have enjoyed this time and treasured it. Today, though, they have gone back to Tennessee, and it's time to put the hammer down.

Mom taking an ice cream break in St. Augustine. The flag and light above are in the background.
St. Augustine Lighthouse

The 219 steps to the top of the lighthouse. Notice that not only do they not have backs to them, they also have holes in them--truly a test of my mettle.

Proof that I made it to the top and didn't flip completely out as I navigated those stairs. There was a time in my life when I would have had to crawl up them if I made it at all. As it was I was seriously hugging the tower and avoiding the rail at the top. LOL

Mom and me in front of the Fountain of Youth. Over my right shoulder, you can sort of see the hole in the ground that Ponce de Leon sought as the source of eternal youth.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:

5 rounds of:

20kg C&P x 1 then C&PP x 1 R then L

Double 16kg C&P x 2

Perfect pushups x 3

20kg goblet squat x 5

double 16kg single leg deads 3/3

high plank x 30 sec

5 challenge burpees

rest 2 min

17 burpees

YESTERDAY: NO WORKOUT, spent the day with Mom and Dad.

SATURDAY'S WORKOUT:

Black and Purple Band assisted pullups/elevated perfect pushups: 4 5-rung ladders.

knee together squats with one-legged pulses at bottom

partial pistols

plank x 30 sec

burpees (15 total)

FRIDAY: NO WORKOUT

Merging Passions

2009-09-25T03:34:00.007-05:00

September 24, 2009
164.5#

I have been comtemplating taking my camera gear to the upcoming Hardstyle Ventura workshop and offering to do some photography work for the other RKC's there. Since I hadn't had a fellow girevik to use as a subject, I wanted to beg someone into being my guinea pig for use not only as a learning experience for me, but also as an example of what I'd have to offer those who might be interested in having some photos done. Fellow RKC Jon Alford and I have been working on getting together for a workout for a few months now, so when it looked like we'd be able to get together, I asked if he'd be sport enough to be my guinea pig. Not only was he sport enough, but he also was willing for me to share them with the world. Here are some of the results. To see the rest of what we got, check out http://oncearoundvenus.photoworkshop.com.

I really had a great time working out with Jon and his former client Gonzalo. Being a self-motivator has its advantages, but sometimes it's fun to be with others of a similar mindset. I'm sure it would be an amazing motivator to have folks like that around all the time.

WORKOUT:

5 Rounds of:

20kg C&P 1/1, 20kg C&PP 1/1, 12kg C&BUP 2/2

Perfect Pushups x 3 (Yes, I know that's totally wimpy, but it's mine and I'll own them)

20kg Walking lunges x 12

double 20kg deads x 7

High plank x 30 sec

rest x 2 min

16kg Tabata snatches--5 per set

30 Challenge Burpees in 3'58"

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: 12kg VO2Max--76 rounds, the first 40 rounds were 7 reps, then I dropped to 6 reps for rounds 41-55, then I dropped to 5 reps. When I hit 4 reps at round 76, I just put the bell down. Hopefully I'll get back up to 80 soon. :(

12 challenge burpees

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT: Pullups/pushups, pistol work, burpees. See similar workout below. I'm still on 3 5-rung ladders.

NO WORKOUT MONDAY

The Ultratimer

2009-09-20T23:24:00.006-05:00

Sunday, September 20, 2009
Off

As a friend recently brought to my attention, I do love my gadgets. As simple as I love my workouts to be, there is one gadget that is consistently by my side--my iPod. One obvious thing it contributes is the music. BUT the other thing that I have come to love is my Ultratimer application on my iPod. Don't get me wrong, I love the Gymboss. It's a fantastic gadget, and I'd still recommend it to anyone who asked. But the Ultratimer is a step beyond. I can set up a workout with as many intervals for as many different lengths of time as I like, AND I can save those workouts under a specific name to be used ad nauseum in the future. There are also multiple different sounds to use to start or finish an interval or round. Here are a couple of screen shots from my iPhone so you can see a bit of what it's like. The ap is $2 and worth 10 times that.WORKOUT:
None today.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
Black and Purple Band Assisted Pull ups/Elevated Push Ups: 3 ladders of 5 Rungs each.
1st ladder had rungs separated by knee together squats with one-legged pulses at the bottom.
2nd ladder had partial pistols with 12kg counterbalance (also used in ladder one).
3rd ladder had 30 sec of plank per rung.

Then 3'47" of 30 Challenge Burpees.

FRIDAY: No workout.

THURSDAY'S WORKOUT: More to come about this little treat later.

WEDNESDAY'S WORKOUT: None

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT: VO2 Max Workout Ass-kicking. 12kg for 66 rounds. 1st half for 7 reps, second for 6. It seriously kicked my butt.

MONDAY'S WORKOUT:
20kg C&P/PP x 2/2, 12kg C&BUP x 2/2
5 Elevated Perfect Pushups
20kg Walking lunges x 12
Double 20kg deads
high plank x 30sec
rest 2 min

I actually was able to get 4 strict 20kg presses on the right and 5 on the left.

SUNDAY'S WORKOUT:
See yesterday's workout.

Immersion Therapy

2009-09-09T16:17:00.007-05:00

Wednesday, 9.9.9
Off-161.5#

I hate spiders.

I don't mind most other creepy, crawly critters. Snakes? No problem. Ok, I hate scorpions, too, but spiders, well, they are Satan-spawn. Hate 'em. And you see, Florida is spider heaven. They're frikkin' everywhere! I was well aware of this fact when I bought into this deal, and decided just to suck it up and deal with it. Spiders eat mosquitoes, and the only thing more plentiful in Florida than spiders is mosquitoes. Hate them too. As a rule, I try not to kill things. Bad karma. Everything is here for a purpose and all that jazz. Spiders and mosquitoes are fair game--especially if they're in the house. As a part of my attempting to overcome my aversion, a few months ago when this gal (look at the white space just to the right of the word "Cameo") moved into the neighborhood in and around my pull up bar, I chose to just leave her there and see what came of it. We made an agreement: I would leave her alone. She would leave me alone. Thus began my tenuous relationship with an arachnid workout buddy. The body on this joker, with NO exageration, is as big as my thumb. I almost renigged on our original agreement today, though, when I got ready to start my workout and she was fighting a hornet that captured in her web. As creepy as that was, it was nothing compared to watching her spin a web around the hornet, carry it to the center of the web then suck its bug guts out. I get chill bumps just writing about it! She's still there, though, and with the help of her friends (see video below), I'm slowly growing less repulsed by the 8-legged critters in our yard.

WORKOUT:
3 5-rung black and purple band-assisted pullups/elevated perfect pushups
Ladder 1: squats with single leg pulse at bottom on each rung
Ladder 2: partial pistols
Ladder 3: 30sec plank.
30 Challenge Burpees

A Different Kind of Workout

2009-09-05T14:19:00.005-05:00

Saturday, September 5, 2009
Off--159#

My folks are here in Florida to visit for a while--how long is yet to be seen. They got here on Wednesday, and each day we have visited, watched some TV, had a little excursion here and there, and generally enjoyed each others' company. I was born 27 days after my mom's 42nd birthday, so my parents are a little older than other people's my age. My mom is 78, my dad 73. As much as I enjoy seeing them, each time I do, I must adjust to their physical and mental decline from the way I see them in my mind. In my mind's eye, my dad can still reach out and wrap his arms around a fencepost, waggle it around a little bit and pull it out of the ground. My mom is still the best crossword solver in the world. And I am still 20...

(pics taken with my iphone)

But my mind's eye is wrong, and seeing the decline breaks my heart. The physical is hard enough, but the loss of mental sharpness is what really gets me. To some degree, such loss is predetermined by genetics, but it is by no means an inevitability for most people. We can fight it off much the way we fight so hard to keep away the physical decline. In honor of my wonderful parents, I thought I'd share some ways you can work as hard to keep your mind as sharp as your physique.

Just like our muscles become conditioned to our workouts, and we must change things up to continue to challenge them, our brains become conditioned to our patterns. Each and every part of our bodies will do everything it can to make its job as easy as possible. That is simple survival. The patterns of our actions form pathways in our brain that allow us to perform those patterns with as little effort for our brain as possible, on autopilot so-to-speak. Think about your drive home from work. How many times do you get home and not remember much of anything about your drive? You were on autopilot. When you break out of this pattern, you force your brain to construct new neuronal pathways, to literally fire new circuits that weren't being used, just like a new workout recruits new muscle. Use a neuron, and it is more likely to keep firing. Let it sit dormant, and well, it's harder to get going again.

So how does one keeps as many neurons firing as possible as frequently as possible? The first step is to use as many senses as possible as frequently as possible. Consciously absorb all of the sensory input you can as you go through your day. Shut one sense down in an attempt to heighten another. Close your eyes and focus, really focus, on the sounds around you, the way the room or the yard or parking lot smells. Focus on the textures of your surroundings. Slow down at your meal and truly taste your food, feel the way it pops between your teeth or smooshes on your tongue. Don't just float through life, BE AWARE of everything. APPRECIATE everything. For what it's worth, the mentor who taught me this concept believed sex was the best way to stimulate all the senses at once. :)

The next step in keeping the brain sharp is staying out of the proverbial rut. If you usually drive to work in an automatic, every now and then borrow a standard transmission vehicle and drive it. Occasionally ride with the windows down or drive with gloves on. Take a different route to work. Try new foods. Sit in a different chair in your living room. Do your nightly routine out of its usual order. You get the idea. Shake things up. It forces your brain to stay awake.

Give it a try. It's actually refreshing.

TODAY'S WORKOUT: 16kg Swing Practice with a focus on keeping it sharp. 40 sec of swing/20 sec of rest x 30 rounds.
I had planned to do my grind routine today, but my head wasn't in it d/t some minor family strife. I almost ditched the workout entirely, but decided to just go with something simple and trudge on.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
3 5-rung ladders
Black and Purple band-assisted pullups/Perfect elevated pushups.
1st ladder--feet together squat into one-legged pulse on each side with each rung
2nd ladder--partial pistols from the top
3rd ladder--30sec of plank.

THURSDAY'S WORKOUT:
VO2 max 80 sets of 7 with the 12kg.

The Press--Some Video

2009-09-02T04:19:00.009-05:00

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Work 8p-8a--159#

After losing my 20kg press when I was sick, I was bitching about it to a few fellow RKC's (in addition to posting about it), and a couple of wise friends suggested I use some Hardstyle wisdom and work on my tension with the bottoms up press...And one of those friends said, "Send me some video, and I'll tell you what I see." A blogpost was born...albeit a slightly delayed delivery.

I've been bringing my 12kg bell to work the last couple of weeks and greasing the groove with the BUP to help build proper tension. It has helped quite a bit. Tension is queen, and I've come to find the weak points in my creating it. Oddly enough, they are assymetrical. On the right, the tension comes fairly easily, but when it does slack off, it's usually in the lats. On the left, right arm/fist tension and butt tension are where I find myself lagging sometimes--mostly in the glute tension. Where last week I didn't get a single strict press with the 20kg during my two workouts like the one I did today, I got strict presses with both arms for the first 3 rounds today. The BUP has become one of my new favorite tools.

VIDEO 1: This is the first round of my workout today. The workout is set up to press the 20kg twice then grab the 12kg and do 2 BUP's, then switch arms. It was raining just enough that I was NOT getting much of a grip on the 12. You'll also notice that I dump the cap pretty quickly. I wear a ball cap almost all the time when I workout for a few reasons: 1. It keeps down on the amount of sun that gets in my eyes and therefore reduces my risk of migraine (which is a big risk because I get lots of them. 2. It keeps my hair out of my eyes. 3. It keeps sweat out of my eyes. 4. On days like today when it's raining, it keeps the rain out of my eyes. Pavel fussed at me at the RKC for always wearing a ball cap, said it hindered my line of sight and was throwing off my groove. That is never more poignantly clear than when I'm doing presses.

VIDEO 2: The rain was getting heavier, and my tension was suboptimal=Crappy first couple of attempts. I almost didn't post this video or video 1, but I decided some of the best input comes from the failed attempts.

VIDEO 3: When I realized the rain was going to keep coming (that's what you hear tap, tap, tapping), I decided to just go to the 16kg and press it 3 times/round like I did before adding the BUP to my workout.

VIDEO 4: Same as 3, but with the left arm.

VIDEO 5: After my sub-par run at the BUP this afternoon, I wanted to prove I can do it with good form and give a friend I know a good example to follow. ;) So I got some more video at work. Here's the right side...

VIDEO 6:...and here's the left.

The beauty of the BUP at a weight that one can't manhandle is that it must be performed with tension--from the ground up. Start with good tension in the clean: feet pushing through the ground, kneecaps pulled up into the quads, hamstrings pulled up into the glutes, glutes holding that imaginary quarter, lats locking those shoulders in, opposite arm tensing into a firm fist, tight grip on the bell, deep breath, pressurize and press through the bell to the sky with a hiss. Tension, tension, tension. It's beautiful.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:

5 rounds (did you notice I'm back up to 5?:) ) of...

20kg press x 1, 20kg pushpress x 1, 12kg BUP x 2 or 16kg C&P x 3

5 perfect elevated pushups

20kg walking lunge x 10

double 20kg Dead x 7

Plank x 30 sec

Rest 2 min

20kg Tabata Swing

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: ...Okay, so maybe it doesn't really count, but I did one round of 16kg Essentials because that's all the time I had.

SUNDAY'S WORKOUT: 5 (yep, I went up to 5 here,too) 4-rung ladders of black and purple band assisted pullups alternated with elevated perfect pushups. Between each rung of ladders one and 3 were knee-together squats into a one-legged pulse at the bottom for pistol work.Between the rungs of ladder 4, I worked partial pistols from the top. 2/sideBetween the runs of ladder 5, I did 30 sec of plank.

Join Us For a Workshop

2009-08-26T07:56:00.001-05:00

Click to enlarge...

It's BAAaack!

2009-08-24T04:47:00.003-05:00

Sunday, August 23, 2009
Work 8p-8a--159#

I had lost my appetite while I was sick. I really didn't want any food at all then, but when I did eat, all I could stomach was fruit. I've NEVER been more than a day or two without an appetite, so this was a very new thing for me. Now, however, my appetite is back with a vengeance, and the last few nights have been ones during which I have felt compelled to do my bottomless pit impression. I am acutely aware that this must stop, and quickly.

WORKOUT:
4 4-rung ladders of black and purple band assisted pullups alternated with elevated perfect pushups.
During ladders 1 and 2, I did knee together squats with one-legged pulses at the bottom.
Ladder 3, I did 2 knee together squats per rung.
Ladder 4 I did 30 sec of plank per rung.

The difference between this workout and the one I did like it earlier in the week was remarkable. My pacing was much better; I felt stronger. It was just much better. I'm still way off of where I was, but I'm much better than I was just 5 days ago.

I'll Ask What You Think

2009-08-20T22:49:00.002-05:00

Thursday, August 20, 2009
Off--158.8#

Upon awakening this afternoon, I found my anterior and middle deltoids to be quite sore bilaterally. I had been having some occasional episodes of this a while back and, was at that time, attributing it to press form. In light of the soreness popping up after my pullup/pushup routine yesterday, I now know it's from that routine instead. AND I'm thinking it's from initiating the movement too much from the shoulder and not enough from the lats. What do you think?

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
20kg clean and pushpress x 2/2, 16kg clean and press x 3/3 (I actually had to do some frikkin' pushpresses with the 16, too, GRRR!)
Elevated perfect pushup x 4
20kg walking lunge x 10
Double 20kg Deadlift x 5
Plank x 30sec
Rest x 3 min.
x 4 rounds...only 4 rounds.
Tabata 16kg snatches.
Tabata 20kg swings (wussed out on set 4 of the swings and just rested.)

LAST time I did this workout, before getting sick, I did five rounds, at a much better pace, strict pressing the 20 at least once each round, and two several rounds. I was doing 6 pushups each round, 12 lunges, 7 deadlifts, and limiting rest to 2 min b/w rounds.